What Is and What Shall Never Be
by Violescent
Summary: For peace between realms, an unlikely bond is formed. Thor AU, arranged marriage. Rated M for further chapters.
1. Chapter One: First Glances

**Chapter One: First Glances**

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"Here they come."

Three words. Three words that boiled his blood so hot, he would not have been surprised if it spilled thought his ears nose and mouth like a grotesque fountain of anger and frustration. His mother, who stood still beside, holding her small pale hand on his shoulder, had spoken the words in almost cheerful voice. She gazed upon small figures approaching them, a curious expression shifting her beautiful face features into a mimic Thor was not used to seeing. If he attacked them, she would try to stop him. If he attacked those that will soon reach them, she might get hurt. And therefore, he could not. Not now.

_Later_, he made a promise to himself. _I will smear the walls and floors of my palace with the blood of the _Jötunn.

The sun was high and the Bifrost glistened in the beams with every color their eyes could observe. The day was young and the skies were cloudless, swirling with a warm, hypnotizing blue color. The air smelled sweet and the wind was gentle, and many insects and butterflies flew around in circles trying to find food and shelter. They waited as the figures approached them with a slow pace, two tall and one short, they're faces too far away to see.

_I'm going to kill all three. _

His mother's grip tightened on his shoulder. He glanced at her, trying to hide his true feelings.

"Be polite, Thor."

When he looked at the path again, he could already see the three Jötunns. The two of them were tall and blue skinned, with sharp horns on they heads and eyes that swam with blood. They carried no weapons but he knew that creatures like the frost giants didn't need those to slay Asgardian soldiers. A mere touch of a frost giant was perilous. Many warriors that fought them said the same: _don't let them touch you_.

He looked then at the middle one, feeling his guts clench into a tight lump inside of him.

That one was named Loki.

That one he will have to marry.

They were very close now. So close that Thor could see the middle Jötunn clearly. He was charmed in a way to resemble an Asgardian; his skin was pale and he had long, black hair that was combed neatly in a way that the nobles of the castle would do it. His eyes were deep green, and not a hint of red could be seen in them. He kept his gaze focused on the ground.

Despite all of this sorcery, there was nothing familiar about the Jötunn that had almost reached Thor. His stance and walk, even his expression, was alien and otherworldly to Thor. It did not fool him for a second that he was something other than a frost giant. A frost giant that he in his childhood had dreamt of slaying – Laufey's son.

"Welcome to Asgard. ", said his mother.

The tall frost giant nodded.

"We will not stay here. " he bowed and said something to Loki, that was in a language Thor didn't understand. Loki nodded and the two frost giants immediately turned around and started pacing back, leaving Loki alone with Thor and his mother.

"Those guards seem awfully disrespectful towards their Prince." His mother said with a half-smile towards the Jötunn who greeted it with no expression at all.

"They were no guards, they were my brothers."

"Oh…" His mother looked as though she felt pity for the Jötunn. Thor looked at the two giants that were almost gone from sight, regretting having let them go.

"We should have invited them to stay for the wedding, if I had known…" his mother said softly.

_Yes. They should have stayed so I could have killed them as the King of Asgard should_. Thor felt his whole body tense just by realising he let them go. How stupid of him. How irresponsible.

"Please" said Loki "we are not sentimental people."

And then the Jötunn glanced at him, for a moment so _brief_ that Thor questioned its existence. There was no feeling to his face, no expression. He was looking at the ground again, before Thor could react to his glance. His mother waived for them to move towards the palaces. They did.

* * *

They talked; his father, his mother, every other nobleman that had a mouth and was in the room. Everyone except him and Loki, who both sat in front of each other, Loki focused on his plate that held food that he never touched, and Thor, looking at everyone besides his intended.

They talked for hours, weeks, months. It was unbearable, Thor thought. He didn't even bother to listen to what they spoke, all wedding plans no doubt. He heard many people laugh. He, on the other hand, wanted to scream so loud that it would shut them up – all of them. There will be no wedding, he wanted to say.

"Well, we will leave you two alone to… get acquainted. "

_What?_

They left. It took them more than ten minutes and during all of this time Thor felt himself becoming more and more bloodthirsty than he had already been. When the doors were finally closed it was like a leash had been loosened around his neck. He realised he was left alone with the Jötunn for the first time.

He looked at Loki, and he looked back. There was no telling what he was thinking behind that face that was so blank and cold that Thor was reassured that the next thing he said was true and rightfully told:

"You bloody Jötunn don't even deserve to be in this place, yet alone sit at the same table with the King. You deserve none of this."

Loki looked away. Again, he couldn't tell anything from his face.

"I'd sooner kill you then marry you." Thor hissed.

"You're not a very good king then."

His hammer was already in his hand and there was nothing that could have stopped him after the Jötunn had said the words. He lunged at the man, jumping over the table and knocking some dishes down; he heard glass breaking behind him as was about to strike at Loki with the anger that he has kept inside for months now, ever since his father told him he would have to marry a Jötunn. He was about to, but didn't.

Loki had disappeared like smoke.

_Where is he? _Thor looked around in frenzy, but he could not see Loki anywhere in the dining hall. There was only a moment of silence during which he almost thought the Jötunn was gone completely but then something else happened.

Pain.

An intense, burning pain around his neck and chest. He felt that Loki has grasped him from behind, perhaps trying to choke him with his hands. He pushed him away and turned around quickly, escaping the touch of Loki's skin that burned like acid. When he looked at him again, a cruel expression had shifted Loki's features. He grimaced exposing his sharp teeth as his skin turned blue and eyes filled with blood, standing in an offensive position and eyeing Thor carefully.

"Finally you show your true, hideous form." Thor said gasping from the pain that was getting more and more intense as seconds flew by. It was as though a fire was set on his skin and at the very same time it was freezing to a point where it was going numb. He felt blood running down his neck from the oozing wound.

Loki said nothing. He must feel pleasure from his, Thor thought.

"I will kill you." He said. "Frost giant that even your own kind wanted to send away. Your guts will lie fresh on the ground for _dogs_ to eat."

"Well…" said Loki, pacing slowly around Thor, in a gracious manner that seemed like a parody of the nobles "If you plan on killing me, this is a bad time. Everyone will know it's you. Even a fool like you should know that."

No fear in his tone. It was a mockery.

"Enjoy your last moments, scum."

He stormed off to his rooms, knocking down a few servants as he ran down the corridors, plotting his killing to every detail, sustaining his anger like a burning fire.

Loki left as well, slowly, and closing the door behind his back.

* * *

Night fell. Loki watched the lights in the windows go out one by one; as he stood in a small palace garden, surrounded by summer blossoms and trees whose leaves were gleaming gold, illuminated by silver light of the moons. When the last light went out he sat on the grass and waived his hand around the ground; a cold breeze swirled around him and ice began to cover everything in the winds path. The temperature dropped down quickly and he felt his Asgardian form shaking because of the cold. He laid his palm on the ice and watched it melt slightly at the touch.

Loki looked up in the sky with his green, glistening eyes. It was not the sky he had looked at all his years. He couldn't recognize a single star that was seen clearly in this cloudless night. Even his body was not his own; pale and fragile to the cold. He wrapped his arms around his own legs, and buried his face in them.

_Frost giant that even your own kind wanted to send away._

Had it not been true he would not have cared for the harsh words. But it was. His own father sentenced him to this fate without giving it a second thought. Sentenced him to death in the lair of their enemy.

Or worse.

_Your guts will lie fresh on the ground for dogs to eat._

He'd rather die, Loki thought. He knew it was the most probable, the most apparent turn of events from the moment he was told of the plan. Maybe he will be lucky and take the life of the Asgardian prince while he can.

The other possibility was not as easy to comprehend. The possibility of marriage. Loki could not picture a more humiliating, degrading and derogative thing than to bed that man that has said nothing but insults to him since the very first time they spoke. He could not think of Thor laying his filthy hands on his skin, hating his guts but intending to lay with him, caring not for how much pain he would inflict on Loki.

Thor hurting him in battle he could take. He could take having his bones broken with that hammer, of being cut by any knife or other weapon. He could take anything, but not that.

_Not that_.

The cold was almost unbearable but he suddenly found himself enjoying the feeling it gave him. It felt like home. Like Jötunheimr.

He looked up in the sky again and felt his body begin to shake of the cold and sorrow together. Something wet was running down his face and falling onto his knees, immediately freezing on the clothes he was wearing. He realised he was crying and he could not stop, not even when his sobs became more and more intense.

After all, what could Loki do? There was very little for him, besides death and worse things. Unthinkable things.

He stayed in the garden until sun rose and then silently went to his appointed bedroom, cloaking himself in a spell that made him invisible to others.


	2. Chapter Two: Ladies

Hey everyone. So this is a transitional chapter of the setting between Loki's arrival and the wedding. It is a bit shorter, but expect the wedding chapter to be uploaded soon.

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**Chapter Two: Ladies**

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"What happened to your neck?" Fandral asked Thor when they met on the sparring grounds early in the morning. Thor noticed how his face was not concerned but rather entertained and curious, so he had probably figured it out already.

"I'm not in the mood to talk. Ready your sword, let's fight."

"That bad huh?" his friend grinned. "Tell me one thing though… How will you kiss him on the wedding day if his skin does _that_?"

Thor didn't say a word.

"More importantly how will you bed him-"

"I WILL NOT-"

"I think it's his choice for him to burn your skin off rather than something that's a given." Sif said from behind his back. He was so mad at Fandrals remark he didn't hear her coming.

"There's some ointment that could help, you know." She added, walking towards Fandral and exchanging grins with him.

"You mock me?" Thor waived his hands in the air. "I don't need this." He was about to leave when Sifs hand stopped him.

"Damn Thor, don't be so sensitive. You could use a good duel, I can tell. I'll go easy on you." She smiled.

Thor managed to smile back, although not as openly as he usually would.

Meanwhile, in the palace, Loki was having breakfast with Thor's mother, Frigga. It was a custom, he had read. Frigga was supposed to ready him for the wedding and instruct him on how to act appropriately. She was a tiny woman. Loki was used to being the smallest one, but on Asgard there were few who were as tall as him. Even Thor was slightly shorter, though more broad.

She passed him a cup of tea and he accepted it. Whatever the woman thought of him, she was no threat.

"How was your dinner with my son last night? Did you get acquainted?"

He took a breath of air, trying to find the right words.

"I think we know exactly what the other is like now."

She smiled at him, completely unaware of the meaning Lokis words took. Yes, he knew exactly what Thor was like, a bloodthirsty fool and a killer.

"I hope you like the food here. If there's something you want, just ask the maids and they will bring to you. Whatever you prefer."

He hesitated for a moment.

"What about raw fish? Could I get that?"

She searched his eyes to find a glimpse of a joke, but he remained the same, or perhaps even a bit humbled. Loki felt like it was strange to ask for a favor from this Queen, but more importantly the mother of that dimwitted prince.

"A raw fish? Gutted?"

"No just… Just… Ah, freshly caught." He managed to say, waiting to see a disgusted look on her face.

"Sure, Loki." She smiled again, to his surprise. They resumed to eating the food and drinking their tea; which was way too sweet for Loki to enjoy.

"You are so different." She said, after a while. "But you are very welcomed here, Loki. Thor is a… difficult child, but he will take care of you. If you let him."

_He would kill me in cold blood if he could_, Loki thought. But he said nothing, just nodded at Frigga. He liked the queen.

"I want to talk to you about the wedding, which is in a few weeks' time. We celebrate for a long while, but the ceremony is quite short. You will be introduced to the people and the Allfather will wed you. Then you will kiss and sit by the table of the royal family and feast." She took a sip of her tea. "It's quite simple, really."

_Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. _Echoed in Loki's mind. Frost giants did not _kiss_. If you tried to kiss a frost giant, your lips would fall _off_.

But yes, he still knew what it meant, to kiss. In theory.

"I remember my wedding… It was also arranged, like yours. I know how you feel, Loki. You can talk to me in you wish."

"No need." He said adjusting his cutlery.

"Very well then. Let's go to the garden, shall we?"

As they walked outside, Frigga talked to him about customs of their people, and the duties he will have to take after the wedding. His mind wandered elsewhere. Somewhere much darker.

"Do you have any hobbies?" she asked him suddenly.

"I very much like to read." He admitted.

She was about to reply but then she saw something and a big smile appeared on her face. Loki turned around to look and, to his horror, saw Thor approaching them together with a few other Asgardians, who all had the apparel and weapons of warriors.

"Good morning my son, the Warriors Three and lady Sif." She looked each in the eye and all but Thor bowed to her. Everyone's gaze, however, was fixed on Loki, who did his best not to look his fiancée in the eye.

"You must be Loki." Said one of the two men, who had blonde hair and an unusual mustache. He reached out to shake his hand and Loki followed his example. It was not a custom in his homeland, but he knew it meant something among the lines of "being equal" and he took that as sign of respect. The other one, red haired man with a big beard also did the same, and so did the raven haired woman, who introduced herself as Sif. The last one to greet him was a man with a pony tail, who didn't do well in hiding a smug smile when he looked Loki in the eye.

Thor watched his friends greet the creature by shaking their hands. By _touching him_. None of them jumped back out of pain or even winced. He looked at his mother. _Why are you with him_, he wanted to ask.

"Ah Sif dear, will you show Loki to our library? I'm afraid I have other business to attend to now. Take care." The queen walked away, leaving five of them standing in silence.

"Let's go." Sif said to the strange Jötunn who haven't yet spoken a word.

"Perhaps I should take him there." Thor said, and Loki's gut clenched into a tight knot.

"You? Do you even know where the library _is_?" the woman teased, flashing a mouth full of pearly white teeth. Loki felt somewhat relived and satisfied when he and Sif walked away from the prince, who had not found words for a clever retort, and the warriors, who were all smiling and nudging each other.

"So you like reading do you? Not what I would expect… pardon my prejudice. What do you like? History? Fiction? Perhaps magic? I have many favorites when I'm not with the guys sparring or feasting. Few of them ever visit the library…"

She talked cheerfully as they walked towards another side of the palace, and Loki felt as though there was no need for him to reply. She asked questions but they seemed rather rhetorical. Only when they arrived did he finally speak:

"Would you show me something about magic?"

"Spells, mm?" she walked around the many high shelves, looking around in curiosity "not really my thing, spells… and not really a thing you'd expect a Jötunn to like either. How is it that you're so different?"

There was no feeling of antipathy in her voice. Loki took another path around the shelves, avoiding the woman but he answered her question:

"I had to compensate for my lack of height or strength. It is only logical I develop talents that are superficial to my kind, as a prince of Jötunheimr."

"Wow that's more words out of you than I had hoped for." She laughed. "Ah here is a book you might be interested in. "

He followed her voice and they both sat on a sofa, opening a big and dusty book which had its cover ripped off. He glanced at the raven woman, wondering what her intentions were. She eyed him so curiously, like he was an insect of exceptionally large size, or perhaps a beast that you admire before you go trying to slay it. He was not sure what the Asgardians made of him.

There, in the library, he spent his second day on that strange world, in a company of a stranger, while the wedding day approached.


	3. Chapter Three: The Wedding

**Chapter 3: The Wedding**

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Fourteen days flew by like heartbeats for both Loki and Thor. One, who had immersed in books, had hardly seen days change into nights, and the other did the best he could to forget his fate while enjoying the company of his friends and the thrill of battle. They had not spoken or seen each other again until the very day they were to be wedded.

As Loki stood before a large mirror and waited for maids to fit his robes, he pondered what will this day bring to him. Here he was, alive still, about to get married to the one he had thought would have surely taken his life by now. He looked in the mirror from which a pale and slim man looked back at him, a man he had sworn to pretend to be in all his remaining life. He did not cry again, like the first day, but as the hour of the wedding got closer he felt himself sinking into sadness much greater than that time.

"Oh, you look amazing Loki!" he heard Sif say from behind. He could recognise her voice already, as she talked quite a lot. "I shall admit my jealousy to Thor right away. Amazing…"

Loki looked at the mirror again. Was his chosen form really attractive to Asgardians or was she just being nice? He could not tell.

"Will your father be here?" she asked.

"No." he whispered.

The doors opened and a guard announced that it was time.

* * *

Silence.

Eyes, like darts stabbing his back. Millions of them.

"We are gathered here today to witness a union between the two realms…" Odin spoke to the people, while Loki and Thor stood before him, silent. Loki heard that he spoke for a while, but he didn't make out the words anymore. There was a buzz in his ears; blood had left his entire head, leaving him even paler than he already was, barely standing. His arms were shaking violently and he dared not look anywhere but his own feet. He was angry, so angry that he could hardly breathe.

This was _it_.

"Now you may kiss each other."

Thor's eyes were deep blue. This was the first time they were so close. He could have counted the blondes eyelashes if he wished to. He was getting closer. Loki could not see his entire face, only the eyes.

Only the blue, murderous eyes.

Thor felt as though he was gambling for his life when he leaned in closer, towards that dangerous creature and his skin. He remembered the nights after the very first time he met Loki; he remembered the unbearable pain on his neck that did not allow him to sleep. The skin healed so slowly, it festered so much. What was for Loki to burn him like that as soon as their lips touched? Nothing. And it would hurt unimaginably more, Thor thought. He could _die_. The question was: did Loki value his own life? Thor could only hope that the Jötunn would not dare to do this, while facing the Allfather and in front of all these people.

He took one last breath before closing the distance and his lips touched Loki's, fully closed in case…

Loki saw it coming and it was still so _very_ unexpected. When Thor's lips touched his, Loki pulled away almost immediately, not out of fear or disgust but out of pure surprise. The softness of the lips, the warmth of the breath and the tickle of the beard lingered in his mind for a mere second before it was washed away by a sea of voices, cheers and clapping. He met Thor's eyes once more _–relieved, was he? -_ And looked at the crowd that cheered and clapped for them. They thought they basked in the happiness of the royalty, _but how truly wrong they were_, Loki thought. As they descended from the platform, his eyes began to search for a place for them to sit, and for him to hide from all these eyes. He did not think yet of what was about to come next.

Thor walked with him, glad to have his face in one piece, involuntarily rethinking the kiss over and over in his mind. The lack of reaction from Loki was unexpected, and he was not sure what to make of that. Had he done it on purpose to shame him before his people (if possible, giving he's marrying an enemy), or did he not know how to kiss? Had he not been kissed before? Had he found Asgardian form as hideous and Thor found that of a Jötunn?

_What bloody difference does it make?_ he mentally yelled at the annoying voice in his head popping all those questions. It was done, for Odin's sake.

They sat at the table together with his family and nobles, and the servants brought food. For the first time in years he found himself not hungry at all, but he ate anyway, to have something to do. It did not even matter what the food was, as long as he did not have to talk and look anywhere. It could not end fast enough.

Music started playing and everyone got up to dance. His mother tried to persuade him to do so, but he somehow managed to talk her out of it. He heard his friends talking and laughing, enjoying themselves. How badly he wanted to join them! But he knew he could not, not while Loki was there.

Loki was silent the whole time. He hardly touched the food and kept only drinking wine, looking at nothing in particular. Thor tried not to look at the frost giant, but he found himself giving short glances towards the direction, as he kept thinking how ridiculous it was.

_A frost giant at the table of Odin._

"I will retire from the festivities if that is alright." He heard Loki say to his mother.

_Thank Gods_, Thor thought.

"Of course dear, it is your first night after all. I am sure Thor will join you soon, but you can wait for him in the chambers, if you want."

_Oh._ Thor suddenly realized how stupid of him it was to hope that the celebration would end soon. The pinnacle of the day being…

"Goodnight." Loki excused himself and left, leaving Thor alone in the center of attention. He looked around for his friends and more wine. Loads of wine.

When Thor found Sif and the Warriors Three they were all sitting at their own separate table, immersed into some kind of discussion which Thor could only hope was not about his wedding night. When he approached their table, they all went quiet suddenly, which only made his suspicions grow.

"Give me that." He pointed at the drink, and took a few big gulps of the substance. He then sat at their table and let out a loud sigh.

"So, it actually happened." Said Fandral in astonishment. He gave Thor a grin, and then spoke to Sif. "You spoke to Loki, did you not? How eager is he to share a bed with Thor?"

Sif rolled her eyes and then looked at the table, avoiding Thor's gaze. "Not very eager, I'd say."

"Well he has no say in the matter. He has no say in _any_ matter. You think just because he married me he's something more than a frost giant? That he has any _power_?"

"Calm down Thor, for Odin's sake. Isn't marrying you punishment enough?" Volstagg laughed and raised a glass.

The golden haired prince wanted to take his friend's remark as a joke, which it was, but he also realized there was probably _some_ truth in that. Perhaps Loki hated Asgard with the same kind of passion that he hated his Jötunheimr. This makes him, in a place of a queen… _extremely dangerous_.

"He should not be left alone." He suddenly said, causing all of his friends to turn their heads.

"Yeah… Run off to bed Thor." Fandral waved his hand and everyone burst out laughing again. Thor would have not forgiven him this remark on another time but now it did not matter, he had to find Loki before he did something terrible. He was, after all, practically alone in the entire palace. Thor doubted that a few guards would stop someone so vicious. He left the tables and walked into the palace in a quick pace. He avoided running to save himself from further embarrassment, but it felt like he was wasting precious time.

When Loki left the table he went straight to his and Thor's shared room, since all of his belongings were already moved to this bedroom. The room was very spacious and bright, the walls were more glass than stone; it was on a top floor of the palace, overlooking a big part of the city and its grounds. In the middle of the room stood a large canopy bed, with crystal white sheets and many differed size pillows. Loki had no idea why one would need so many.

He looked inside the closet and changed into his regular clothes, then walked towards the window overlooking the Bifrost. It was almost nightfall.

He would not let Thor touch him. This was not like the ceremony; they would be alone, away from other eyes. He felt his lip tremble and bit it hard. _I won't let him_. The taste of his own blood filled his mouth. _I won't let him_.

More than two hours passed until Thor entered the room. Loki spent them walking about the room and going through the many things that were lying on the shelves. Everything that he came across was made of the finest, purest materials. It was truly a room of a prince.

_Where was Thor? _Loki pondered, not really eager to see him, but tired of the anxiety that the waiting caused him. He sat on the bed and touched the fabric of the sheets. It was so oddly soft. From the bed, he could see his own reflection in a mirror that was placed beside it. His lips were oddly red… From the bite?

_Fragile creatures, Asgardians _he thought. Will more blood be spilled tonight? His? Thors? Will it go like last time, or will it be worse?

Loki turned around to see Thor standing in the doorway, with an almost surprised look on his face. It suddenly became so quiet that they could hear each other breathe. Loki looked Thor in the eyes with every bit of anger that was not yet pushed away by fear. Thor returned the gaze but he seemed rather confused. Was he drunk?

Thor stood there for a few seconds, looking at Loki that sat on the bed holding a pillow. In this moment he seemed almost innocent, but Thor knew _better_.

The blonde moved towards his dresser and dumped his robes in a drawer, then quickly paced into the bathroom and closed the doors. He could feel Loki's eyes following his every move until he hid in the bathroom to wash his face and drink some water from the tap.

_I'm not hiding _he said to himself, but he didn't manage to convince the inner voice.

_There is a frost giant on my bed._

When he managed to force himself to leave the bathroom, he found that Loki hadn't moved an inch, and his eyes were immediately fixed on Thor. He walked up to the bed and sat on his side, kicking off his shoes with much more force than he intended to. Loki was frozen completely in the spot. When he turned to the Jötunn, a single sentence escaped Loki's thin lips:

"_Don't you dare touch me."_

There was so much anger in that hissing voice that Thor was surprised how calm Loki's face remained. It was like the two were not connected, or perhaps Loki was very good at pretending. Either way, it was very aggravating.

"Who'd want to touch _you_? " Thor hissed back, sliding under his covers and giving one last glare to Loki before turning away. "Goodnight."

Loki was stunned for a minute, and then did the same thing, thanking in his mind to whoever decided to put up separate covers. He turned his face to the opposite side of Thor and curled himself into a ball, trying to calm down. It felt as though his heart was about to break his ribs and jump out on the floor.

He was in bed with the person who wanted him dead. Loki was sure that if he had moved a few inches further from the edge of the bed, his back would touch Thor's.

He could hear Thor breathe. He could feel the bed move when Thor moved in his sleep. He spent the whole night awake on his side, waiting for morning to come and this torture to finally end. He had never spent so much time being so close to someone, especially not when it involved a single, and not very wide bed. It was getting really warm, but he didn't want to wake Thor by pulling covers away from himself.

Morning seemed light-years away.

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**So, Loki and Thor finally end up in the same bed, though not in a way we'd really like :D This chapter concludes the intro to the story. Leave reviews to let me know what you think.**

**The next chapter is personally my favorite so far, I'll post it soon.**


	4. Chapter Four: Sleepless

Thank you for the reviews! I wanted to wait before I posted this, but I really wanted to share this chapter, which, in my opinion is the best so far.

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**Chapter Four: Sleepless**

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When Thor woke up in the morning, Loki was already gone.

_Good_, he thought.

That sort of was behaviour has repeated for mane days: he would wake up earlier and go to bed earlier, therefore the only times when Thor would see Loki, it would be only his back, turned to him in bed. He had mixed feelings on the matter. On one hand, he was glad that he did not need to talk to him or even endure his icy glare, but on the other it felt like great disrespect towards him. His mother asked him about Loki on many occasions but he would blame Loki's interest in books each time. How very convenient was it that Loki's chosen location was a place Thor never really desired to go to.

He had tried to keep his life as it has been before Loki arrived a month ago. He tried, but it wasn't easy. Even if he could pretend at times that Loki did not exist, others did not. They would keep mentioning him. Asking questions. And sometimes… They would speak to Loki directly. Conversations that he didn't hear carried out deep inside the library or gardens. He held it as betrayal. Loki was a burden, but Loki was _his_.

"Where are you going?" he grabbed Sif by the hand when he saw her climbing up the stairs towards the library one day. She was carrying a jug of wine and a small box.

"To the library." She stated the obvious.

"Yeah? Made good friends, did you?" he asked abruptly.

"Not sure what you mean, Thor."

He didn't want to yell at his friend, and took a minute to hold his anger.

"He is there isn't he?"

Sif smiled at Thor.

"Not today, I'm afraid." She looked somewhere towards the horizon and pointed at the royal gardens.

"Ah, look there he is."

Thor turned to the direction he was pointing at. He saw Loki's figure walk around the flower bushes, deep black silhouette amongst shades of red and yellow. He had something in his hand, something moving. Some kind of animal.

Thor bid Sif farewell and descended the steps towards the lush garden. As he stepped through the gate he softened his footsteps and while hiding behind the green hedge began to search for Loki. The morning was very young, and it was still quite chilly. Thor could see his own breath when he exhaled.

He moved further towards the centre of the garden, and soon enough he saw Loki sitting on a beautifully carved bench, holding a black bird. Thor did not know much about birds, but this one seemed larger than those people kept in cages. It sat on Loki's arm obediently, and let him caress its feathers.

The bird made a sound; a high pitched noise that spread through the trees and sky. Loki smiled at it and whispered something in a soft voice, too quiet for Thor to understand from that distance. He moved a bit closer.

It started to sound like a song.

He realised that Loki was whispering a song in his native tongue which Thor didn't understand. It was strange enough to think frost giants would sing, but it was especially weird to see Loki doing so. The bird closed its eyes.

For a moment, it seemed like it understood Loki's song.

_They look alike_, Thor thought.

He took one step closer, making sure he was still hidden behind the hedge. He saw the bird leave Loki's hand and the Jötunn lied down on the bench, looking up to the sky where the bird has flown. Sunlight fell on Loki's face, but he did not seem to mind. His green eyes closed soon and he relaxed his tall figure on the bench.

_Vulnerable._

Thor waited until Loki seemed to be in deep sleep and stepped into the clearing, approaching the bench. Why out of all places, would he come here to sleep? And in the morning too?

He knelt beside the bench and looked at Loki in a close distance. He examined his face.

Loki's face was unusual. He was like no Asgardian Thor had ever seen. He was, for the lack of a better word, rather exotic. His thin lips were dry and there were dark marks from being bitten; his eyelashes were black and as his hair and long, like a pair of elegant fans.

Thor realized that he has been kneeling there, looking at Loki's face with no idea what he will do next. He was curious to see if Loki's skin was as deadly when he was asleep as it was when he was awake, but decided not to find out that today.

After a while of doubt he left the gardens with Loki still asleep.

* * *

"I'm not lying to you. I am _dead_ serious. Look, I have a scar to prove it." A man's voice said.

"Oh, how impressive." Replied a female's voice.

Thor was wandering around the palace grounds killing his time, when he heard the conversation somewhere deep in the North gardens. A woman's voice giggled.

"Are you sure you don't talk like this to _every_ woman?" asked the girl.

Thor had finally reached a small clearing where they were. He saw Fandral and a servant girl, sitting together, limbs tangled and lips locked. She was no older than 18, beautiful, and judging from her choice in men, extremely naïve.

"He does. And also, that scar is from when he was drunk and fell on Hogun's sword."

The girl jumped up immediately, trying to fix her clothing. Her cheeks turned deep red.

"My Prince… I am so sorry; I should not be here… I am so sorry, please forgive me."

Thor shot Fandral a grin and then said to the girl:

"Go now, but do yourself and a favour and steer clear of my friend here."

As she ran away, Fandral glared at Thor with a look that could have melted a hole through a lesser man. Once he was sure the girl was gone, Fandral took a few steps forward and pointed at her direction.

"What the hell was that for?"

Thor laughed. He felt like this was not a time to laugh, but upon seeing Fandral's priceless expression he could not help but relax a bit from everything that has been going on.

"It's all good fun, friend." He said. "Now let's go get our friends and go hunting."

"Good fun, you say? " Fandral said while they were walking. "You better hope that won't bite you in the ass."

* * *

When he returned to his chambers late in the night, he saw that the lights were out, and figured Loki was already asleep, like always. But Loki's side of the bed was empty, and the next thing he noticed was that the Jötunn was standing in front on a window, with his palm placed on the cold glass, gazing into the night.

He proceeded into the room and took off his shoes, then his shirt, throwing them in random directions. He placed Mjölnir on the small table and turned around, to find Loki still standing in front of the window, ignoring him completely. He was already in his sleeping clothes, barefoot.

"Were you waiting for me?" Thor asked in disbelief.

Loki answered him without turning around.

"That depends. Are you willing to answer me a question?"

Thor came closer to the window as well; curious to what the Jötunn could possibly ask.

"Why were you looking at me like that today, in the garden?" Loki asked, slowly pronouncing the words.

Thor didn't reply.

"Why watch me for so long and then just leave?"

"I thought you were asleep." Thor said, immediately regretting the words.

"I wanted to see what you'd do." Loki said in a sly manner. "But… you did nothing."

He then turned to Thor with his full body with a wondering expression on his face.

Thor swallowed loudly and looked away. It was a bad idea to follow Loki like that, and a far worse one to admit it.

"I don't trust you." He explained. "Where did you get that bird?"

"That's not why." Loki hissed. "You followed me because you thought it was a good place for you to try and kill me, did you not? Why didn't you do it? Scared?"

"I can't kill you. It would mean war."

There was a long pause, and neither of them dared to move. Only after voicing the words Thor realised how much they meant. Yes, if something was to happen to Loki, King Laufey would gladly use to opportunity to wage war against Asgard.

Did Thor _want_ war?

Five or perhaps even less years back, he would have had no doubt about it. Perhaps he would have lied, in order to appeal to his father, but he would want it. Thirst for it. Crave for it. He would have gladly ventured with an army into Jötunheimr, slaying frost giants and having them kill his men, and he would have returned home, covered in their blood as a war hero. That vision tickled his pride. It haunted his dreams since he was a child.

But now, he was not so sure. He wanted to fight still, more than anything else. But the cost was too great. If Jötunheimr was the first to attack, there would be nothing to think over. But if the choice was his to make…

The choice _is_ mine to make, he thought to himself. Here Loki stood in front of him, in a light shirt and barefoot, without a weapon or armour, beside an easily broken glass…

His neck exposed. His cheeks slightly flushed from the heat of the fireplace to which he was still not used to. His green eyes wandering the dark room while moonlight reflected off of them. His thin lips tightly closed in irritation, with a hint of madness.

"There you go _again_"Loki hissed.

And then, before Thor could respond he reached out and placed his hands on Thor's neck.

Without thinking, Thor jumped back, startled by the sudden move and focused on Loki to foresee his next attack. He had learned from the last time to not let the Jötunn out of his sight for a shortest moment, as he could vanish in a heartbeat.

A second has passed. Loki stood there, mischievous smile slowly shaping his lips. Thor realised only then that there was no pain in his neck or anywhere else on his body.

"Mmm, how gallant." Loki said, still grinning.

_How could I let my guard down like that_, Thor mentally slapped himself. He felt like putting his fists to work and whipping of that atrocious smile off of Loki's face. Perhaps he couldn't kill him, but he deserved a good beating.

"You arrogant cretin…"

Loki smirked and dematerialized, only to re-appear behind Thor's back a second later.

"Is that how you're going to fight? _With words?_ Not very… Odinson like, wouldn't you say?" He continued talking, striking as evil and child-like at the same time.

"So you want to fight, do you?" Thor replied with a question, turning around and facing Loki again.

"Ooooh, but I never said thaaat." Loki teased again. Thor was beginning to suspect he didn't make sense on purpose. Or maybe he really _was_ insane.

Loki paced back and forth, keeping his eyes on Thor the whole time. For a moment, he felt like Thor was the vulnerable one. Scared of Loki's skin and spells. _Poor little prince._

Loki knew however, that the moment was very temporally. Thor would always be the stronger one. It was his homeland, his palace. And even Loki, in a way was… Thor's.

_No. I am my own Loki._

"You're demented, aren't you?" Thor blurred out, tracking Loki's movements. His bright blue eyes were wide and pupils large, surrounded by dozens of light eyelashes. Loki recalled the one time he'd seen them up close…

"You kissed me once. You kissed a frost giant. How can you live with yourself now, Thor?" he asked. He remembered briefly how it felt, Thor's smooth lips and pointy beard, hesitantly touching his face before he pulled away. It lasted no longer than a second.

"And you _let_ me." Thor replied.

"I… "Loki could not find his words. Thor was not very strong on the wit but that was very well aimed.

They did not speak more than night. Loki lied awake as usual, looking at the sky through the window on his side, listening to Thor twist and turn. His breathing was uneven.

Thor too, could not sleep.


	5. Chapter Five: Games

**Chapter Five: Games**

* * *

The sun had just touched the corner of the sky when Thor sat down on the cold and wet dirt in the sparring grounds. He rested his back against the wall of a small shed where they kept various training weapons and toys, waiting for his friends to show up. It wasn't frequent that he would come first, but he barely slept that night and as soon and he saw the sky lighten a bit, he left the bed and went straight here. Loki was still in bed when Thor woke up, turned to his side as usual, not making a slightest movement. His dark hair spread on the white pillow, and the covers slightly slid off, exposing a small part of his back. Thor thought about it as he watched the sun rise, caressing the grass that grew beneath him with his palms.

"Where is Fandral?" Thor asked, after all of his friends had gathered. It was not like his always enthusiastic, lady-loving friend to skip their sparring.

Hogun and Volstagg were discussing the rules of today's match, oblivious to Thor's question. They mentioned something about wrestling to which Sif rolled her eyes and said they had better be joking. Thor watched them quarrel, having no desire to interfere, hoping that Fandral was not holding a grudge over what happened yesterday with the servant girl.

"I am _not _rolling around in the dirt with you, forget it." Sif said in her a cheerful tone and poked Hogun in the chest. She then looked somewhere over Thor's head and said out loud "Look, there's Fandral! With…"

When Fandral approached his friends he shot a beaming smile at Thor and instead of a greeting said:

"You were right, this _is_ good fun."

Beside him stood Loki, curiously looking at the dashing blond warrior and holding some throwing knives in between his long fingers. Everyone looked at him, then back at Thor, and then finally at each other, exchanging meaningful grins. Thor only glared at Fandral; he blew him a kiss before disappearing in the shed to get his weapons.

"You good at hitting targets? " Hogun asked Loki, looking at some human-shaped boards they put up years ago.

Thor couldn't believe how easily Loki's presence ruined his mood. He felt like strangling Fandral. Was it not enough he had to put up with Loki during the night, but now during his favourite activity too? Did Loki do this on purpose to pull out the last straw in Thor's patience, or was he genuinely interested in sparring with his friends?

And more importantly, what exactly did Fandral tell him?

Loki took one of the knives and without warning threw one almost directly at Thor; it flew less than an inch away from Thor's faced and hit something behind his back.

"Nice shot." Said Hogun, pointing at the target, whose heart Loki successfully hit. Everyone turned to look, while Thor was still recovering from his inner tantrum. How dare that imbecile act this way in front of his friends?

"So Loki, you going to fight any of us?" said Volstagg, rubbing his hands together. "I must warn you, we're pretty good…"

"I think some tutorials are in order." Fandral said, walking closer to Loki. "Loki here is not used to our ways."

"The hell with that, I want to see what he's got." Volstagg said, tossing Loki a small round golden bell with a piece of red string. "Sif here is the fastest one. You go against her. You tie the bell to yourself and she will try to get it. You can't leave this circle." He made a circle on the ground with a stick. "You, in return, try to get hers. Whoever gets the bell of the opponent wins. No weapons and no magic."

Sif and Loki shot each other amused looks. Thor knew that they had spent time together, but he had no idea what kind of relationship they had. He doubted that it was anything close to what he had with his friends, but it was still very odd to see them interact.

Loki and Sif stepped into the circle on opposite sides, while the other two men gathered around, yelling cheers and various jokes to the two. Thor watched from the distance, ready to protect Sif and the others from whatever Loki was planning to do.

They went on for ages. Once in a while, one of the contestants would make a dodgy move and the entire battleground would be filled with Hogun's and Fandral's exited voices. Thor stopped watching a while ago, and now just plainly stared at the trees nearby, digging a hole in the ground with his foot.

Finally, he saw them leave the circle, Loki holding Sif's bell in his hand.

_Unbelievable. _

"Well, we're going to take off." Said Hogun, and Volstagg added "So hungry." The others picked up their stuff as well and nodded to Thor with respect.

"See you around, Loki." Said Fandral, patting the frost giant on the back. "Later, Thor."

Loki looked at the others leave and then glanced at Thor, who had been ignoring him since he saw him this morning.

"Stay." Thor demanded.

They stood in silence until others left.

"Come on." Thor pointed at the circle and Loki followed him in silence, with a curious glint in his eye.

Thor took Sif's bell and attached it to his belt, then looked at the Jötunn who was standing before him in an offensive position, and nodded at him.

"Sif is maybe fast, but I know your tricks." He said.

"Less talk, more work, Odinson." Loki teased and dashed to the side, leaving Thor looking at an empty spot.

The blonde prince quickly turned around and tried to grab Loki's arm, but the Jötunn quickly placed his foot for Thor to trip over and escaped his grasp. The bells jingled silently as he appeared behind Thor back, ready to attack him, but Thor, having learned from last time, hit Loki's chest with his palm without wasting time to turn around, almost pushing Loki out of the circle. While Loki tried to re-gain his balance, Thor turned around and quickly erased the distance between them, cornering Loki in one spot.

His hand reached for the belt and Loki flinched at the touch. Thor wrapped his both hands around Loki's slim waist to search the whole perimeter for the bell and hold Loki in place, but the bell wasn't there. Loki used that moment of confusion to push Thor towards the middle of the circle, but Thor tripped over a rock and fell over, pulling Loki down with him.

"Damnit" Loki cursed, as Thor quickly rolled over and pressed Loki with his weight.

"Where is the goddamn bell?" Thor asked, holding Loki's arms, so he could not escape.

Loki looked Thor in the eye and his face turned evil-like again. He opened his mouth slightly, in which Thor could see the thing he was after.

"You're a cheat." Thor hissed.

"Alwaysh." Loki said, lisping.

Although completely immobilised by Thor's weight, Loki was certain that Thor could not win. If he let go of one of his hands, Loki would use them it to quickly snatch Thor's bell and win.

Thor hated to loose. But losing to Loki would be far, far worse than losing to anyone else.

He leaned in. Loki flinched again, his smile suddenly gone as if it was never there. Thor felt the Jötunn's heavy breathing as he got closer, pressing him down his body and hands, slowly erasing the distance between their faces.

"I'll bite you." Loki threatened, but his voice was slightly less confident than it was before. Thor was so close already; he was all Loki could see.

"Go ahead." Thor said, surprised by his own boldness. He knew that Loki could do far worse things than bite him, but the desire to win was greater than fear.

Loki's eyes widened when he realised that Thor was going to fulfil his stated intention, and Thor felt him trying desperately to get loose. Loki was afraid, Thor realised. For the first time.

Thor opened his lips and closed the distance completely. He was ready to get burned, or bitten of maybe both, but nothing happened. He collapsed on the ground where Loki had been a second ago, his hands holding nothing.

He lifted up his face to see Loki, standing outside the circle, in shock, breathing heavily and holding the bell in his hand.

"You win." He said quietly, and having placed the bell on the grass, disappeared between the threes.

* * *

Loki did not spend that night in their chambers. Thor sat on the bed, thinking he will eventually enter the room and, after glaring at Thor, go to bed with his face turned away, but he never came. The blonde looked at the empty spot where Loki slept and felt a strange thought enter his mind.

Nothing from harsh words to death threats affected Loki as much as something that happened today did. Thor realised that he may have found a weak spot in Loki's outer shell; that he was not as ignorant as he seemed.

He reached out, and without fully realising why, took Loki's pillow. He looked at it, but it was no different than his pillow or any other one for that matter. He put it close to his face and smelled it. Thor actually expected a frost giant to be dirty, but Loki was exceptionally clean, even if Thor never saw him enter the shower or brush his hair. But now, having his pillow close to his face Thor could smell a faith scent; it resembled the aroma of northern winds in the high treetops, and deep murky waters in an old forest, where the sun rarely shined. He remembered that same smell from earlier that day, when Loki tricked him with the bell and they both rolled in dirt, angry and frustrated.

He lied down and tossed the pillow aside. Something stirred inside of him, something that made him feel bitter. He was perplexed by the feeling, not quite able to put his finger on it. He felt tired, and his limbs felt heavy. He fell into half-sleep, drenched in blurry confusing half-dreams.

* * *

He woke up by the sound of footsteps. He got up, immediately, only to see Loki enter the bedroom in the same dirty clothes that he wore yesterday, his face exhausted and eyes swollen.

"Where have you been?" Thor asked, his voice coming out angrier than he intended.

"Out." Loki replied with a sigh and moved towards the bathroom.

"Wait." Thor stopped him, by taking his arm where it was covered in cloth, still careful with the skin.

"What do you want?" Loki asked, his voice lacking emotion. He stopped without facing Thor.

Thor didn't know what he wanted and didn't reply immediately, so Loki spoke again.

"You always need to get what you want, don't you? It doesn't matter how low you'd have to go."

Thor let go of his hand.

"That makes two of us."

Loki turned around. It scared Thor how tired Loki's face looked.

"Don't compare us; we are nothing, _nothing_ alike. You'd lay with a _snake_ if someone challenged you to it."

"What is this about?" Thor asked, confused by Loki's sudden burst of emotions.

Loki did not reply; he just looked at Thor as if he was the most ridiculous thing in all nine realms.

"Wouldn't you do anything to see Jötunheimr again?" Thor asked.

"How dare you!" Loki hissed, his eyes watering. He took a few steps closer, his body tensing in rage. "How dare you say that, you filthy little spoiled self-centred bastard!"

And then, Loki hit him. It was not an attack or an attempt to inflict damage; it was simply what it was: an expression of anger and frustration. It did not even _hurt._ Thor looked at Loki again is disbelief, surprised that the frost giant deliberately chose not to burn him.

Loki bit his own lip and continued to look at Thor with his green, wet eyes. The blonde came closer, and after gently placing his hands on Loki's neck, looked into them.

He felt Loki's pulse rising underneath his palms. His skin was warm and smooth; sensitive to Thor's touch. Loki's eyes widened and he quickly looked away, his body freezing in the spot, and Thor could feel him holding his breath. The Jötunn's gaze was pointed at a blank wall behind Thor's back, while he stood completely still, his face framed by Thor's hands.

For a second, Thor felt himself slipping in a world that consisted merely of Loki's fast pulse underneath his hands. His mind was thoughtless, timeless. He heard himself speak, but the words were not truly his.

"Take a bath and go to bed. I will leave and I won't return until late." After that, he reluctantly let Loki go and left the room in a hurry, part of him still locked in that warmth on his palms.


	6. Chapter Six: Dreams

_Thank you for all the reviews. I sincerely can't believe that almost 400 people have read my story, and it really encourages me to write further. I hope you enjoy reading it, as much as I enjoy writing. : As always, please leave a review to let me know what you think. I have already written the 7th chapter, and I will probably upload in a few days time._

* * *

**Chapter Six: Dreams**

* * *

What happened that day in the sparring grounds never truly left Loki's mind. He kept unwillingly recalling every little detail from that morning, and every time he would, he felt like losing himself into a big and deep chasm of foreign feelings and thoughts. At first, all that he could untangle was heat. Unimaginable, intense, agonizing, blazing, spreading thought out his body like invisible, furious flames. They came from within, from some part in his soul he never knew to have existed. All of this, coming from unvoiced threats of death and blood thirst, with his back pressed against the hard ground, by none other than the man who he loathed so.

Later, when he was alone, he felt the true nature of what he felt unfold.

_It sickened him._

And then Loki came back after a night of denial and tears, and saw _him_ again, and he remembered there was much screaming and yelling, but could no longer recall what the words were. He hated Thor, but more than that he hated himself; and if he did not have himself, then he had absolutely nothing.

And then, Thor's hands touched his neck, and he was too weak to push them away. Not because it was physically hard, but because it felt like someone had poured flammable liquid into the raging fire, and the flames consumed every bit of thought he had left remaining in his insanity driven mind. And because a part of Loki betrayed him, and found it _pleasing_.

Now, he lied in a bathtub full to the brim with cool, clear water, alone in their chambers as Thor promised, until the night. Loki could only see the last thing Thor said as a sign of pity; kind of like feeding a homeless animal that has not even nice fur to caress. Not because you like it, but because it is so pathetic that you start to feel sorry for it.

Loki slid one wet hand on his neck and traced it down his chest until it was far down, under the water. The bathroom was completely swimming in silence, except the occasional drop of water from the tap. Loki loved the cold water, but it was not enough to sustain everything that built up inside of him during the last few days. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, escaping his current state of despair to a made up place, where no thoughts of home, pride, danger or even dignity existed.

He was not alone in this fantasy of his, and he was not himself. He was not Loki, but only Loki's flesh and bones, burning under the touch of the man in his vision.

He wrapped his fingers around his length, hard and aching for touch. His grip was tight and yet gentle, as he slid down and then upwards, rubbing the tip as he leaned back and bit the fingertips of his other hand, consumed by the pure carnal pleasure that filled the farthest reaches of his body. His toes curled around the edge of the tub as he spread his legs slightly, cold water pouring from the tub onto the floor, soaking them.

A silent 'Mmmm' escaped his lips, despite his best efforts to remain silent. This was the first time that his fantasy had shape and form, a real canvas on which he painted on with his deepest desires and guilty day-dreams.

What was more, it had a name.

'Thor', Loki whispered, voicing the blonde's name for the first time, enjoying the how it sounded like. He imagined Thor coming into the bathroom and seeing Loki naked and lascivious, and then climbing in, and grabbing Loki roughly, like that time when they fought, but also passionately, eager to touch and please him as though they were lovers.

The image of Thor here, naked and pressed onto him in the cold water, was too much. He reached the end and climaxed, every thought dissolving into nothingness.

* * *

"How is Loki?" asked his father, the King of Asgard. Thor expected him to ask this sometime in the future, but the timing could not be worse. He had just left Loki to bathe and rest, wishing for nothing more than to forget about the Jötunn for a minute, only to hear his father mention that name immediately. He would have these conversations with his father frequently. Odin would explain to Thor what was fit for a King and what was not; Thor found these conversations extremely boring.

"Fine." He said.

Odin raised a brow, obviously not convinced.

"Do you realise how important Loki is to Asgard? He alone holds the fragile peace between our realms. You swore to protect him when I married you. But do you keep to your promise?"

"He is in no danger here." Thor replied.

His father looked at him in concern.

"I see him with your friend often, and I never see him with you. Perhaps he is in no danger… But is he happy?"

"He's a Jötunn, how the hell am I supposed to know if he's happy or not! They are nothing like us, and you know it."

"I am not asking you to _love_ him. I never did. But you _will_ respect him."

Thor knew he should not talk back at his father but a small remark still made it out though his lips:

"I can't name a single thing, besides, of course, the blood shed of our people, that could make him even slightly happy."

Odin smirked.

"I can. You could take him to see his home."

"He does not deserve-"

"You have no say on the matter. You will take him to Jötunheimr, and you will stay with him. I will let Heimdall know to expect you _today_."

The darkest night has fallen upon Asgard. The skies were drenched in black stains that covered each star, each moon. The air smelled of rain and dirt, and cold gusts of wind travelled from the window onto the bed, in which Loki sat. The flames in the fireplace had almost died, and the lights were already out. He watched the bits of wood slowly lose their red radiance, still in a daze after sleeping the entire day.

He heard heavy footsteps, which he could recognise as Thor's, outside the door and soon saw the blonde stepping into the room, his face angry (_when is his face _not_ angry_, Loki thought).

"Get dressed, we're going to Jötunheimr. "

Loki stared at him, with something Thor could only describe as disbelief, and then he asked:

"Why?"

Thor shrugged. He was not going to admit that his father made him do it, as though he was a little, obedient boy.

Loki stepped out of bed, and slowly went to find his warmer clothes.

"But why now, in the middle of the night?" He asked again.

"You're rested aren't you?" Thor asked. The soon this was over, the better.

Loki opened his drawers and got his clothes ready, and then he turned to Thor again, in doubt. _Get dressed_, he said, but did not leave the room. Loki remembered that in his moment of heat he wished Thor to see him naked, but that was not the case now, when he was rested and has regained his clear mind. Perhaps Thor simply didn't think Loki would change right away. The Jötunn turned around and took off his shirt, waiting to hear Thor leave, but he didn't.

_He watched. _

He stripped to his undergarments and put on his warm clothes, all while looking at the opposite direction of the blonde, who said nothing at all until Loki was fully dressed. When he turned around again, Thor was looking away, but he _felt_ his piercing gaze earlier.

They left their chambers walking side by side, both silent for their own reasons: Thor, sinking deep into thoughts of how _unfair_ it all was and Loki, considering the reliability or Thor's word. How unrealistic it was just to simply walk and get taken to your home that you missed so dearly you cried your eyes out, until they would feel dry as sand. How odd his life had been, Loki thought. How odd and painful.

"You should have dressed warmer." He said to Thor, convinced that if they really were going to his icy realm, the blonde prince would have, in fact, dressed warmer.

_It's all a lie. _

"I don't get cold."

"How long will we be there?"

Thor looked him in the eyes.

"I don't know."

_He doesn't know_, Loki thought. How can he not know?

"It will make you happy, right?" Thor asked.

"_What?!_" Loki almost yelled out, in completely dumbfounded.

Thor looked away, for some reason embarrassed.

"I said, will it make you happy? To see your home?"

"More than odd to hear this coming from you. What do you care if I'm happy or not? What is going on, Thor?"

_First time he said my name. It doesn't sound right. He says is wrong._

"I'm not doing this because I want to, you should know that."

"Of course not."

When they finally reached the place, they had been silent for almost 10 minutes. As Thor glanced back to look at Loki, he caught him smiling a few times.

_The Jötunn smiled. _

"I've been expecting you." Heimdall said, looking at the two men who stood apart from each other, trying too hard to pretend they had not just come together.

There were no more words to share and Heimdall opened the gateway to Jötunheimr, looking again at the two.

"Go now."

Loki felt being pulled by the open vortex and he allowed it to do so. He felt how, in a heartbeat, everything melted around him, and he lost the ground that his feet were just resting on.

_Home. _

It was the _smell_ at first, and then the cold. And finally he saw it.

The glaciers, consumed by deep darkness of Jötunheimr; huge, colossal ice formations extending towards the skies like gigantic hands that strived to touch the stars.

Loki knelt down on the snow, touching it with his hand. Suddenly every bit of thought and memory of his home returned to him as though his whole life had happened yesterday.

He felt tears building up in his eyes, out of pure happiness that suddenly rushed into his mind; he wanted to drop on the snow and ice and lay there forever; letting the cold consume his life.

He was home.

It was pleasantly dark and silent. He looked up at the sky, looked up at _his_ stars. _His_ sky.

"Yeah, it's cold alright." He heard Thor say.

And then, Loki laughed. For the first time in so long, he laughed out loud, with his mouth wide open, soft wrinkles building up around his eyes. He laughed at Thor, who was in short sleeves, laughed at his uncomfortable stance as he tried not to shiver like a fool that he was, and he laughed out of pure happiness of the moment. The sound echoed though the frozen mountains and valleys, breaking the still silence.

"I told you, you should have dressed warmer."

Thor wanted to say something in his defence but he never did; he could not, in fact, say a single word. At that moment, he saw something to which he was been blind to for a long time; something revealed by such a simple action as a smile.

Happiness cannot exist in the world with no pain; and therefore one who smiles will also weep. The realisation, however obvious it would have been to someone else, shocked Thor. He realised that the same person could not be so touched to see his home and at the same time be so ignorant towards everything else; that the expression he saw on Loki's face was not the face of a simple joy.

It was a face of a man, who had escaped from hell.

"Well if I freeze to death here you can consider it a bonus." Thor grumbled, as he followed Loki deep into a labyrinth of ice.


	7. Chapter Seven: Poisoned

_Hey all._  
_When I first got the idea of writing this story, this was the first thing I imagined, and I now I'm really exited to share it! I would like to state that there are some small details that do not exist in movies, but since this is AU I didn't feel guilty by making Thor a little more vulnerable, or describing things a little differently than they were pictured. I hope you enjoy this chapter, as the next might come a little later, due to me being a bit busy._

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**Chapter Seven: Poisoned**

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"Are we headed to your father's palace?" Thor asked Loki as he followed the tall figure trough endless corridors of ice, which all looked the same to him. He felt uneasy knowing that he relied, if only temporary, on the Jötunn.

"No, I have no desire to go there."

They came out of a tunnel into a large open space; the ground was flat and smooth; Thor realised they were crossing a frozen lake. He hoped that Loki was aware how thick the ice was; Thor would not have survived a swim at this temperature.

"Where are we going then?" He asked, still walking behind Loki and not seeing the Jötunn's face as he answered:

"A place I want to see."

"Is it far?"

"A few hours walk."

_Few hours_. In this cold, he soon will not have any legs to walk with.

"What is so special about-"

He was cut off by a screeching, penetrating roar coming from their left side. It was as though every bit of ice around them trembled at the sound that _something_, something _horrible_ has made. Loki stopped dead in his tracks and so did Thor, after he aligned with the Jötunn. They both looked at the direction but nothing was seen in the distance.

"What the hell was that?" Thor asked Loki, his hand hovering over Mjölnir by instinct.

Loki looked back at him, his face shaped in bewilderment.

"Hættra" he said, silently, his skin slowly turning blue and eyes losing their warm color. "Big, gracious creatures with wings and long feet; they have feathers like birds but they can't really fly. There is deadly poison in their blood and secretion; their fangs and teeth are sharp enough to cut ice. They are beautiful and rare creatures who do not normally attack my kind." He then looked at Thor and in his expression mixed fascination and fear. "But I suppose it would gladly gobble you up."

Thor looked at the direction where the beast's yell came from, but still couldn't see anything. He readied his hammer.

"No." Loki protested. "We mustn't hurt it. Stay close to me and it may not smell you."

They started walking again, now with caution. Thor noticed how protective Loki seemed, but he was not sure what he was protective _of_, him or the beast.

The Jötunn's real form matched the environment perfectly; Thor noticed how beautifully it blended in with the ice and snow; how naturally he placed his feet on the slippery ice. Loki's heritage was a source of much frustration for Thor, but seeing him like this today, he could not help but to admire him.

They walked for, it seemed to Thor, forever. He felt how his limbs were starting to grow numb, but was too proud to complain.

"Look…" Loki said, stopping again. "Here it is."

Thor followed his gaze until it reached a certain dark form close to the horizon. It took him a second before he realized what it was and gasped.

"You and I have a very different sense on beauty." He only managed to say, looking at the creature in the distance, a huge skeletal figure with large heavy wings and a big, curved beak. It seemed to have noticed them.

"It's only a baby…" Loki said, in admiration.

"_That's_ a baby?!" Thor blurred out.

Loki shot a look at Thor again, and upon seeing his reaction, came to a realization.

"Stay behind me. This is the only path to the place we're going."

_Is he concerned for my safety?_, Thor wondered as they began pacing slowly towards the creature, who was eyeing them curiously.

"Your warm blood would make a fine meal for Hættra" Loki said, with no enthusiasm. He reached out behind his back and touched Thor's arm with his cool fingers. "Even I could feel it meters away, and I am not a predator."

"You sure?" Thor retorted, in a less offensive way than he intended; he heard Loki snort.

The creature has gotten close. Its moves were slow like a serpent's, but it was about as twice as tall as they were, and about as ten times wide. Thor felt its gaze land on his body and the beast stopped.

"_Stay behind me!_" Loki hissed.

There was fear in the Jötunn's voice, but Thor did not feel like a coward to hide behind Loki's back. He stepped in front of the Hættra before Loki could grab him, and readied his hammer again. The beast roared and lunged at Thor; what happened in the next minutes he could not exactly recall: there he was, ready to strike the beast with all he had; and suddenly the Hættra flapped its gigantic wings and lifted from the ground, trying to attack him from above. He heard Loki yell something as he swigged the hammer at the creature, striking only air as the creature appeared to be quicker than expected. Its feet scratched Thor's arm as he turned around to strike it again, but then something flashed before his eyes and he nearly fell down, blinded by the light.

When he regained his vision he saw the Hættra running away from them and then glanced back to see Loki glaring at him with the angriest face he had ever seen. It did not help that Loki was in his true form, red marks burning like flames on his blue skin.

"You idiot! You… You…" he gasped in rage as he ran towards Thor, yelling something in his native tongue. "Why can't you listen for one goddamn second you dimwitted bastard!"

Once he reached the blonde prince, he was back to his Asgardian form, but his eyes still had bits of red swimming in them.

"Your ignorance has no bounds…" he then stopped abruptly, and then turned away to the direction they were previously going, still muttering something under his breath.

Thor stood up from the ground and followed Loki as he almost ran the last kilometer until they reached a cave.

"All this walking for a cave?" Thor asked, unbelieving.

Loki turned to him, but whatever retort he had in his mind, never escaped his lips. His face suddenly went completely white.

"It scratched you?" he whispered.

"Yeah it's no big deal, I heal fast."

Loki's face did not regain the color. "Sit on the ground. _Now_."

Unsure why, Thor followed the order of the Jötunn, who dropped on his knees beside him, still expressionless and pale as the snow around them.

"I really don't need-"

Loki's hand covered Thor's mouth in a matter of a second.

"You'll die before you finish that sentence."

Then he felt the Jötunn take his arm in his soft hands and his eyes lingerer in Thor's confused gaze for a second, before Loki put his lips around the wound, and without any kind of explanation started sucking the blood out.

_There is deadly poison in their blood and secretion, _he vaguely remembered Loki tell him just a few hours ago. The wound did not hurt at all and he would have completely ignored it, but Loki's hands, in which he held Thor's arm, were shaking slightly, indicating the seriousness of the situation. He sucked the blood and then spitted it out on the white snow, and then repeated it again and again. Thor watched his own blood spread on the ground mixed with the creatures poison and Loki's saliva, completely helpless as he felt every limb going numb. When Loki pulled away, his lips were stained with Thor's blood.

The Jötunn looked him in the eyes, gasping for air and then back at his wound, which began to close slightly.

Loki took a deep breath and his muscles relaxed and while still holding Thor's hand, whispered in exhaustion:

"You goddamn fool…"

There was general numbness in his body still but besides that Thor felt no different than he usually would. The wound tingled and itched now, but he realized exactly how much worse it could have been.

The Jötunn let go of his injured hand and wiped his mouth with some snow; he then looked at Thor again, his checks becoming flushed for no apparent reason. He sat beside Thor, affected by the poison that he accidentally ingested while trying to save that idiot's life.

"Loki…" Thor whispered.

"Shut up." He replied with no real feeling in his voice. It was almost as though he acted upon instinct, but now that his mind was clear again he felt embarrassment about what just happened. The taste of Thor's blood was still in his mouth and he had nothing to wash it down with.

"You twit." Loki whispered, resting his back against the cold wall of the cave. "Never in my life have I met someone as hardheaded and unreasonable as you. How are you supposed to take your fathers place, when you can't even handle little things like _listening…"_

They both sat helpless, waiting for their strengths to return; the cave was small and cozy, there were some boxes further down, indicating that someone had been here before.

"Thank you." Thor mumbled.

He tried to smile at Loki but it was not an easy thing to do; whenever he looked the frost giant in the eyes he would be reminded of all the things they said to one another; and how fierce and brutal Loki's nature was. He remembered how Loki ate raw fish without bothering the take out its bones; how his skin burned like a heated blade; how each conversation ended in hissing and yelling and never did one good word come out of that mouth. He recalled each alien thing that Loki did and irritated him to no end, and then he _still_ smiled, clearly under the influence of the poison.

Loki looked at Thor's lips specifically and then back at Thor's eyes, opening his mouth to speak but no words came out. The blonde could tell he was surprised or perhaps annoyed; or both.

"So what is this place?" Thor asked.

"Just a place I wanted to see." Loki said, but seeing Thor's raised brows, continued. "I used to stay here for many days. My things are still here, some blankets, tools, weapons… No one else ever comes out here, because of the Hættras. It's just a cave."

"But why would you come here?" Thor asked confused by what Loki said. He was not sure what Jötunns found to be homely, but he was certain that Laufey King had something better than a _cave_.

Loki stood up and went for the crates that were in the back of the cave, despite still feeling weak. Thor realized he might have hit a soft spot, but unlike a few months ago, it did not feel satisfying to do so.

"I wanted to be alone." Loki said while turned away and digging in the boxes for some items. "I doubt you understand that sort of need."

He came back and threw something at Thor; it appeared to be an old, worn out blanket. Thor gladly took it, and wrapped it around his freezing body. Loki looked at him do so and frowned.

"I should make a fire." He said before waving his hand in the air and dismantling the empty boxes into individual planks, then pulling them towards the center of the room. He created a spark between his fingers and tossed it on the wood which immediately caught fire. Thor watched him do so in silence.

He came closer to the bonfire and sat before it, the flames reflecting in his blue eyes. He felt how the emitted heat slowly and pleasantly spread though his stiff fingers and toes, and closed his eyes, his body relaxing.

Loki watched Thor enjoy the warmth while sitting much further away from the bonfire, close to the entrance of the cave. He could not understand how one could enjoy such strong heat, but he liked the sight and sound of the bonfire; much bigger than that in their fireplace back on Asgard. This one was wild; untamed.

"You don't miss your family?" Thor asked again, not making eye contact.

"No. Despite what you were told, I am not exactly a reflection of my father's image, and therefore I am not missed or wanted back in the palace."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not like the others. Why else do they think they sent me away so easily? If not for marrying you, I would have no purpose at all."

Thor turned around to look at the Jötunn who was looking outside the cave, into the sky. Thor knew Loki was different than other of his kind, but never thought it to be a disadvantage. Now he realized that even on Jötunheimr, Loki never truly belonged. He imagined the Jötunn spending time alone in this very cave, with nothing but Hættras to keep him company. Just sitting here, waiting to grow old.

The image of someone so beautiful and intelligent condemned for eternal solitude was a painful one; Thor felt affected by the mere thought, followed immediately by regret and guilt on his part.

"Loki, I am sorry."

The Jötunn turned to face him, his mouth slightly open and his eyes wide.

"Don't apologize; next time if you don't listen, I'm not going to lift a single finger to help."

"No I don't mean… That is, about today too… But I mean not _just _today. I mean I am sorry, in a more general sense."

"What?"

He turned back to the fire, reaching out to warm his hands.

"Come closer, I don't like to yell."

"That's a goddamn lie." Loki retorted stepping away from the mouth of the cave and coming closer to the fire and the blonde man, wrapped around in his old blanket. "You _always_ yell."

He sat by Thor and gave him a questioning look.

"Even in your Asgardian form, you don't like the heat?" Thor asked.

"Not particularly, why?"

"I don't know why I asked that." Thor admitted, smiling, and brushed off a strand of hair off of Loki's face.

Loki looked away at the fire, changing his sitting position and then proceeded to speak:

"The poison is making you act very strange. Perhaps you should consider a nap."

"I'm fine." Thor replied and sniffed the blanket. "Smells like you. Why do you need a blanket if you don't get cold?"

"I sometimes do."

"Now?"

"No."

Thor shifted his body closer to the Jötunn, looking at his face illuminated by the fire.

"You destroyed your crates." He pointed out.

"I'm not coming back here again, it doesn't matter." Loki replied, and then noticed that Thor was significantly closer to him. "What's wrong with you?"

"Can you tell me more about frost giants?" Thor asked suddenly, leaving Loki baffled at how he arrived to this thought.

"Well, to kill a frost giant you need to strike at the his core, otherwise it can re-grow the limb-"

"No, I don't mean that!" the blonde protested, shocked by Loki's topic of choice. "I mean… Things like traditions or…"

"Oh." Loki raised a single brow. "What does it matter to you?"

"Just tell me."

"Well…" Loki began slowly, using his finger to draw something in the snow while he looked down and spoke "We don't really have a concept of monogamy here; partnership or marriage is non-existent. There are those who choose to do so, but that is an exception, and a rare one at that. We are all one gender, and only one parent is sufficient to raise a child. There was…" he looked back at Thor to see if he was still listening. "There was once two warriors who had created a bond in many battles that they fought together; they would live together in peaceful time and fight alongside during the war; they would only mate with each other and would not acknowledge anyone else. Their names were Hávarðr and Tryggr. Hávarðr was the one with physical strength while Tryggr was the wise one. They were said to be a real nightmare for the enemies when they worked together." Loki made a pause. "When Tryggr was killed in a battle against the elves, Hávarðr drowned himself in the river out of sadness and heartbreak. It was the same river that we crossed today."

"Is that a legend of your people?"

"No, I knew them. My father would have me passing his orders to the soldiers sometimes… No one would make a legend out of this story. Nobody would dare call it anything else than foolish."

"And you?"

Loki blinked rapidly.

"I can't judge that which I don't understand." His eyes turned sad. "Why are you really asking me these questions?"

"Does it bother you?"

Loki took a deep breath.

"I don't know, I… Well it's not _like_ you. And you don't _have_ to do this. I know your father asked you to bring me to my home but you don't have to _talk_ to me."

"You think me not worthy to be a good conversation partner, don't you?" Thor asked, jokingly.

"I think you too stubborn, violent and hateful."

It was true.

_And it hurt._

Why did it, when it was all a result of what he said and did, in his own right mind? Why did it sting so badly now, when it felt justified then? _Why?_

"Is that all you think of me?"

Loki's face became unreadable again as his hand turned blue and he put it inside the flames, for whatever unknown reason and replied in hushed voice:

"No."

"You also think I'm stupid, is that it?"

"What do you want to hear me say, Thor?" he said, turning to the blonde. "Why are you asking me this, all of the sudden? Has the poison gone to your head? If you had cared for what I think then perhaps you should have not threatened to kill me multiple times."

Yes, something _has_ gone to his head, but it was not the poison.

"I regret those words."

After Loki did not reply, he added:

"Really."

"You're out of your _mind_." Loki said. "Tomorrow we'll pay my father a visit. Get some sleep." He stood up, and left the cave.


	8. Chapter Eight: Homeless

_This was, by far, the most difficult chapter to write! I re-wrote it a million times, and in the end I feel quite satisfied with it, I hope you will enjoy it too. The reviews made me feel incredible, thank you for leaving them. _

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**Chapter Eight: Homeless**

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He woke to the smell of something cooking, which he always thought to be the best thing to wake up to. It was pleasant, until Thor realized he was still in the very same icy cave, lying on the cold ground with nothing but a thin blanket.

Loki sat by the fire, watching a fish that was tied to a piece of wood, his hair dripping wet, the little drops of water glistening in the light. He was in his human form, bare-chested, his skin covered in tiny goose bumps; his eyes fixed on nothing, deep in thought. Thor still had one of his feet inside the dream realm when he laid his eyes on the Jötunn that was unaware of Thor's awakening, and he found himself lost in that sight as though it was still a part of the dream he woke up from. Loki adjusted the fish, having no problem with putting his hands in the fire, and kept on sinking into his own mind, placing them neatly on his lap again. Such beautiful serenity, Thor thought. He wished for a moment to become invisible, just to continue looking at Loki; to see him alone, without a mask, unwary. He looked at Loki's exposed skin, and sharp, well defined collar bones, his shoulders slightly moving as he breathed, small drops of water running down his neck, leaving tiny, cold traces.

He stood up and walked over to him, unthinkingly as though his legs had a mind of their own. As soon as Loki noticed his presence, he snapped out of his daze and stood up, facing Thor.

"I didn't know you liked cooked food." Thor said.

"It's for you." Loki replied, feeling strange as he did it. "I caught it while you were asleep."

"Don't tell me you were _swimming._"

It was in a strange manner that he said it; it was as though he was angry, but at the same time he was not. There was a dash of humour, a dash of surprise. And something else…

"I was." He replied. Loki remembered standing naked before a hole he made in the ice and then jumping in the freezing blue waters, water splashing around as he dived deep into the river, starling fish and other creatures that lived under the ice. Their skin was slippery, but he could catch them with his hands without much difficulty, as though he was a part of the wildlife, a creature of the frosts.

Thor took off the blanket from his shoulders and put it over Loki's. His hands, wrapped in the cloth, travelled across Loki's black hair and shoulders, slowly absorbing the water from the icy lake that Loki swam in while he was asleep.

"I'm not cold." Loki said.

"You feel cold."

"But I'm not."

However alien Thor's actions were to the Jötunn, he couldn't, with all his strength, push the hands away. They were soft, gentle and warm; and Thor gave his this _look_, as though he was worried. Worried that the frost giant was _cold_.

The thought itself was ridiculous; it made no logical sense that Thor, who was not suited for this kind of climate, would give up his blanket to dry Loki's hair. Was he really _that_ much of an idiot?

_Or was he just… Just what? _Loki pondered. He observed in his months on Asgard how fond its people were to touching each other. From hugging to pinching, there were so many interactions that seemed to serve no real purpose, other than the expression of some kind of emotions or intentions. It was all alien to him, a terrible invasion to his personal space and highly unwanted.

_But this is okay_, he tried to justify himself. _This means nothing_.

"We going to visit your father today?" Thor asked, still not having let go.

"Yes." Loki replied, feeling anxious about the matter. It was not something he looked forward to; and neither should Thor. "Just eat your fish and we'll be on our way."

"So you what did you catch it with?"

"My hands."

"Your _hands_? Are you serious?" Thor simply could not believe it. "You can _do_ that?"

Loki took Thor's arms and removed them from himself and though they were some kind of decorations. It was _enough_. He felt uncomfortable enough as it was because of how weirdly excited Thor suddenly seemed.

"Yes, that's what I said. Now will you just shut up and eat?"

"I appreciate you cooking for me."

"It's a fish on a piece of wood; you sound like I have a feast prepared." Loki snapped and left Thor to his meal, considering in his mind how long Thor will keep up this weird behaviour of his. One thing he was sure about – it will have to end sometime.

The palace of Jötunheimr was something that went beyond Thor's imagination; it was incredibly tall, colossal, almost to a point where it was frightening, but what really surprised him was the way it was built. It did not seem to be a creation of a mind; it was as though nature had formed it over thousands of years, shaping it to a form that no mortal could think of; it was in perfect equilibrium with the glaciers and dark skies, a home of the Jötunn King.

Loki did not share Thor's vision; to him, the palace held too many painful memories, too many harsh words and even harsher silence. As they approached the palace, he wanted desperately to tell Thor how he felt, but he knew that the blonde would not care.

At the entrance stood a guard who let them in with not a single word escaping his lips (Loki was in his Jötunn form, and therefore there was no need to say anything). As they entered, Loki saw Thor look around in curiosity, and it nearly sickened him. The stupid blonde should have known better than to be so excited to enter a home of Kind Laufey.

They proceeded into the great hall, where the King himself sat on throne. He would sit there forever, like a statue, Loki remembered. Even his eyes would be still, unblinking, and when he was a child Loki wondered what went on in his father's mind during those times. When he grew older, he found out many things, most of them unpleasant. There was no love, like the one he saw on Asgard, and there was definitely no pity for the weak.

"Ah Loki, you come to visit your father." He said, still resembling a piece of ice. "With your mate." He looked at Thor, who did his best not to choke at the way the King called him. "What is the purpose of this visit?"

"We just came to visit Loki's home…" Thor said, and judging by the look Loki gave him, he should not have.

"Is that so…" The King leaned in forward. "Most unusual." A few frost giants that stood beside the King stared at Thor with disturbing, unpleasant gazes.

"Go with the guards, Asgardian, I will speak to my son alone." Thor did not want to do it, but he realised he had no choice on the matter. Loki shot him one last look before the guards took him to some other chamber via a long, curled corridor.

"You have no business here." Laufey said. "You belong in Asgard."

Loki had almost forgotten how unpleasant his father was.

"I came only to visit, I miss-"

"You don't have that luxury. What is more, you brought _him_ with you, one who disgraces every piece of land he steps on. He brought _him_ into the _palace_."

"If you find him so, why did you want me to marry him?" Loki asked, trying not to let anger reflect in his words.

"Because I don't find you any different." The King said. "You have been nothing but disappointment all this time; it's a fitting purpose for you. You know this."

"Father…"

"Don't act like a clingy fool Loki. I sent you to Asgard not because I wanted to see you return."

"I didn't bring him here because I wanted to! Father, just say the word, and I can kill him right here, I swear…" he begged, every bit of steady ground he had shattering under his feet.

Laufey King, his father, only watched Loki fall apart right there. There were things he still kept from him, things he would reveal once time was right. As of now, Loki's purpose was elsewhere.

"Leave." Was the only thing he said.

Thor was in a room with two frost giants. Two fully grown, armed frost giants. He admitted to himself that compared to them, Loki was a just _cute_. These stared at him as though he was a bug below their shoes.

"You are the Asgardian prince. Loki married you." Stated one of them. Thor didn't think it was a question, so he just nodded.

"You should not have come here, Odinson." Said the other.

"I accompanied Loki to see his father, that's all." He didn't need to justify himself to these guards, but the size of their weapons made him re-think that necessity.

"King Laufey does not appreciate such visits. Loki should have known better." Said one to the other.

"Why not, isn't he his son?" Thor asked.

"We're not like you, _Asgardians._" He said in a mocking tone. "We don't have time to take pity on those that don't manage to serve their purpose, no matter if we are related or not. Your pity makes you weak."

Thor did not reply. He couldn't believe what the guards have said. Were Jötunns truly so heartless?

The more he thought about it, the clearer one thing seemed: Loki was not one of the frost giants; he was _a _frost giant, but he was not like them; in neither shape nor thought. He was not like any Asgardian either, no. He was just _one of a kind_.

_Well that makes it so much easier_, Thor thought ironically.

More than half of an hour has passed, none of them speaking a word. Thor wondered what was taking Loki so long, and why Laufey sent him away; he hated Jötunheimr and wanted to go back home as soon as possible.

The door opened, another guard said something to the ones he has been speaking to, and they took him out of the room.

After a few minutes of walking, he found himself standing outside the palace, facing the entrance at which he saw Loki, heading towards his direction. He wanted to ask Loki how it went, but he just walked right pass him, his gaze fixed on the ground, appearing to be in a hurry. He kept on walking towards nothing, not turning back once to see if Thor was following him.

"Loki wait…" Thor tried to keep up, but he was not as swift when it came to walking on ice. The Jötunn kept on going, despite Thor's plea. "Loki, I can't walk as fast as this, goddamnit." No response.

He heard then a silent noise coming from Loki. A quiet, suppressed sob. The Jötunn stopped, and without turning back, said:

"Let's go back."

He was hugging himself, his face turned to the wind; shoulders shaking slightly, his knuckles pale as he clenched his clothes with force; suddenly, he was mortal, fragile, shatterable – everything that he never seemed to be.

"Loki…" Thor finally managed to catch up, and stopped a few steps away from him, gasping from air. "What happened?"

When Loki turned around, Thor saw his tears, which he did not make an effort to hide; he glared back in almost the same anger that Thor observed when they first met, but this time it was not directed at him. Thor took a step closer and tried to place his hand on Loki's shoulder, but the Jötunn shoved it away with much force, his face shaped with chagrin.

"I don't need your pity, Odinson." He hissed. "_Don't touch me._" He stepped back. "I don't care what sick game you are playing, but I don't want to be a part of it!"

He was shivering and trembling, and all Thor felt was right to do was to take care of him; the thought came naturally, but he had no idea what to do to accomplish it. Loki wasn't fond of touching and he took kind words as some kind of disgrace, so how was Thor supposed to act?

"Tell me." Thor asked, placing his hand on Loki's shoulder again, only to have it pushed away a second later.

"Just get me out of here!"

He tried the other shoulder. Loki seemed to have given up the pushing, now he stared at the hand with as much hatred and he could gather in his sight.

"Of course I will take you home, but will you tell me what happened first?"

"It's not _my_ home." He said.

"Yes, it is." He caressed Loki's shoulder, knowing that the Jötunn would not appreciate the sentiment, but simply having no idea what else he could do.

There was a moment; a moment of risking more than just his skin, and Thor let himself play a game of chance.

The next thing that happened took Loki by surprise. One second Thor's hand was on his shoulder, and the next, both of them were on his back, _pushing_ him. He tried to resist it, but Thor just pushed harder, until Loki lost balance and landed in Thor's grasp. It was more like a collision than anything else; if he wasn't so deeply angry he might have been startled by the motion. Now, Loki just didn't _know_. _What, why, how_. Nothing made sense.

Thor's arms wrapped around like snakes around Loki, his palms cupping Loki's each side, as though he was ready to pick Loki up and carry him somewhere like an inanimate object. The Jötunn placed both of his palms of Thor's chest but he wasn't strong enough to push Thor away. The blonde didn't seem to care that the other tried to get loose; in fact he embraced him even harder.

For a second, his mind was pure chaos.

"Don't burn me." Thor said, close to his ear. Loki almost gasped at the sensation of such closeness, growing weak in his knees. He was never held like this, and he never wanted to be; and everything that happened was just too much to handle with a sane mind.

Thor was warm and his body firm against Loki's. He smelled of the things that never existed on this realm; and his shoulders so broad, his neck wide, his hair soft…

Here he was, in the arms of his enemy, after his father has finally said Loki was no longer welcomed in his own _home_. Here he was, an exile, a disgrace. With nothing that belonged to him, and nothing that be belonged to. Somewhere, in-between all this nothingness was the man in whose grasp he has fallen, a man that he still hated, but a man that held him in his arms. What did it mean, this gesture, this gentle touch? Did it mean enough to be the only thing he could cling on, when everything was broken and lost?

Loki put his cheek on Thor's shoulder, same thing that Thor was doing; he didn't feel comfortable as he did so, and he did not feel like it was safe either but it was the only thing he could think of doing. Soon after this, Thor's hand crawled into his hair.

What did it mean to stand like this, _just to stand_, in silence, so close to one another?

Loki stopped crying, or making any kind of noise altogether. He was completely mute now, and Thor was afraid to ask him anything; everything seemed more fragile than the snowflakes that fell down on them from the sky as they stood in silence; enemy in the hands of enemy.


	9. Chapter Nine: Something Else

_I said the next chapter would not come soon because I would be busy, but here came this fucking flu and I can do nothing but sit at home. On the bright side, plenty of time to write! I wonder if anyone will get the little inside joke I've put here, you need to know a little Norse mythology in order to._

* * *

**Chapter Nine: Something else**

* * *

_There is nothing for me here._

_Never was._

Those were the thoughts that kept haunting him ever since they went back to Asgard; he rose in the morning and fell asleep thinking the exact same – how pointless his existence was. Loki was never one to expect _good_ things to happen, but after what happened at home it seemed like he had reached his capacity. He felt himself being apathetic, at times hysterical; he avoided everyone and occupied himself with various trivial tasks just to keep his thoughts away.

Today, he was feeding the horses.

Loki liked animals in general, but horses were something else. They were intelligent, friendly creatures; they offered company, transport and even shelter. They would let Loki caress their thick necks and give them hay; and sometimes, he would shape shift into a horse himself, just to further hide from the truth of his existence.

One of those times, he saw Thor walk into the stable carrying a crate of apples; the blonde seemed cheerful as he distributed the fruit to the horses, patting them on the back or saying a word or two; having no idea that Loki was among them.

He seemed to have been fighting, or working; his face and hands were dirty, and his hair tangled; his gaze was tired, but happy.

Loki wondered what the reason was for this, but Thor had many: family, friends, power and wealth. Perhaps even women and sex.

Loki didn't know.

It was a fact he could not escape that a part of him wanted physical closeness to the Asgardian; closeness that was beyond simple touching; it shamed him, but there was nothing he could do about it. It did not come from his heart, it was merely an instinct; but at the end of the day it was his heart that hurt from things that happened and things that did not; and he would find himself drowning in self-pity once more.

Today, Thor visited the horses again and this time he saw Loki in the stables, brushing a beautiful dapple-grey mare.

"Morning." He said, approaching the Jötunn.

Loki turned to say hello. It had been too long since they last talked. Two weeks, since they got back from Jötunheimr.

"This is a fine horse." Thor said, coming closer to the creature and observing it. "It has no owner. It can be yours."

Loki felt surprised at the manner that Thor addressed him; it seemed like his little act of being nice has not worn off yet.

"Not necessary. I don't know how to ride."

Thor replied immediately:

"I could teach you."

That caught Loki's attention.

"Well I suppose you have teachers here, I could learn… But _you_ have better things to do, no?"

Thor sighed.

"At least that way you can't avoid me the whole time."

"I'm not."

The blonde came closer, to the opposite side of the horse and shot Loki a worried look.

"You used to be better at lying." He paused. "Look… I can understand that you don't want to confide in me but-"

"I really don't-"

"…but could you just please let me do this?"

He walked around the horse maintaining eye contact until he was right beside Loki; he took Loki's hand into his, feeling confident that it won't burn.

It didn't.

Thor's fingers wrapped around Loki's carefully and then squeezed his hand in a gentle grip.

_There's so many ways for him to touch me_, Loki thought. _He can hit me, cut me, caress me, kiss me, rape me, kill me. All of those things, and he takes my hand. _

"Well say something…" Thor said, after Loki didn't reply.

"Alright, teach me."

Thor smiled, his beautiful face glowing in sudden happiness.

"Great! Do you want to start immediately?"

"Don't you have something you need to be doing?" Loki raised his eyebrows.

"It can wait."

Loki's fingers curled around Thor's in approval. That simple gesture meant more to both of them than either would ever admit.

* * *

There was no place dearer to Thor than the fields of Ask and Embla, named after the first midgardians who inhabited their realm. He had many memories there; most of which were very old. He recalled his mother taking him by the hand across the crops that were taller than him; guiding him towards a small clearing where they would drink tea and watch the sun set, listening to the wild, untamed winds.

"Keep your heels down and your shoulders back." Thor instructed, as he pulled the mare by the reins, with Loki sitting on top. The Jötunn seemed awfully out of balance, as they slowly walked around, Thor on his feet, guiding the mare. "You have to learn to move with it – together"

Loki caressed the mare's withers out of slight nervousness; the animal seemed to be at ease, but he was not; it was a very strange sensation to sit on something living and breathing; to depend on it.

Thor turned around to see how Loki was doing; he thought of using a saddle, but then came to the conclusion that Loki would have preferred this – it was much more natural and personal.

The mare was still a very young horse; she had wide shoulders and strong, thick neck; she was covered in spots; white and grey, her legs fading into deep black; the tail was long and silver and eyes dark and intelligent.

"I think it likes you." Thor pointed out, smiling at both of them and patting the animal on its forelock.

"Does it have a choice who to like? You own it, after all."

"I said it's yours now." Thor said, stopping in the clearing and offered his hand to Loki. "Let's take a break."

He helped the Jötunn get down from the horse; all the while enjoying being the one in charge; Loki did not resist the touch or advice.

Only when Loki's feet were steady on the ground did he finally look around. His eyes widened in surprise, and he took a few minutes to take in the view.

"It's beautiful here." He finally said.

"I think so, too."

"And why did you bring me here? It's very secluded."

"I wanted you to see it, that's all."

Loki's eyes met Thor's as he turned around, a strange glint in his gaze.

"But you gain nothing this way. Why waste your time?"

Thor took a few steps back, closer to the mare, and replied:

"What did you think I was going to do?"

"I really don't know."

"Well I suppose we could use this to talk-"

"About what?" Loki cut him off.

"Anything."

"Don't be ridiculous, there's nothing to talk about."

Thor sat down on the ground and stretched out, fixing his long hair, bathed in the sunlight in that golden, infinite field. Loki observed him, a part of him longing to sit beside the only man that ever wanted just to talk to him, be it real or fake invitation. But why was it so hard to do so? Was he too proud, too scared, too full of doubt?

"Come sit, you must be tired."

Loki was reluctant to do so, Thor saw some kind of doubt in the Jötunns eye, as though he was weighing pros and cons of the situation; but in the end he came closer, and sat gracefully beside.

Thor did not know what to make of their situation; and even more so of his own feelings. If someone had asked him why he was so happy just because Loki sat beside him, he would have no answer; if someone asked why he was trying to be good to him, he would have replied that he did it out of guilt.

He knew, however, there was more than that.

"She's really fast, you'll see." He looked again at the mare, which was peacefully waving its tail about.

"You have ridden her?"

"Once." He scooted over closer to Loki. "Well actually we can both ride it, if you'd like. I'd the take reins and you would just have to hold onto me."

"Wouldn't that be uncomfortable… for the horse?" Loki quickly added.

"No, she's a strong one." Thor thought for a moment. "Yes, we should definitely do that. After we've rested, of course."

"But Thor…"

"Yes?"

Loki's cheeks turned pink. Whatever it was on his mind, he found it difficult to say, and Thor found it simply crucial that he finds out.

"Uh… Never mind."

"No, tell me." He nagged.

"Well… what do you mean, _'hold onto'_ you?"

"By my waist. That's… all right with you is it not?"

Loki blushed deeper; the sight was intoxicating, rousing. Just because it meant so much for Loki, it suddenly meant a whole lot for Thor too.

"It's alright." He replied, trying not to seem intimidated, but he did anyway. A part of him, that part that he himself loathed, was particularly happy about the arrangement.

When Thor hopped on the horse, it was obvious that he had years of training - to him it was as natural as sitting down on a chair. When Loki finally managed to climb up as well, he slid down the mare's back, until he was tightly pressed against Thor. He tried to make himself comfortable, but no matter how he tried to sit, the outcome would be the exact same.

Thor rushed the mare to run; he felt how, reluctantly, Loki's arms reached for his waist after they began dashing through the field; the Jötunn pressed his chest against Thor, silent as ever. The Asgardian smiled; it felt so great to be like this; somehow _right_. The wind in their hair, the passing scenery, the sunlight, everything.

"See how fast she is?" Thor shouted, tilting his head back.

"I do." Loki said in soft voice, close to his neck. "Where are we going?"

Thor let me horse slow down, as he replied in cheerful manner:

"I don't know! I don't think it matters! Just hold on tight!"

He _did_. He pressed himself so tightly, that he could feel each breath Thor took, each move he made; each little thing sending ripples throughout his body.

The mare ran as fast as the wind though fields, and forests, like it was a free horse; happily snorting and shaking its head.

_Do all creatures desire freedom_, Loki thought, _or do some prefer to belong? _To belong somewhere, to belong to someone; to depend on another's feelings and wishes, another's kindness or wrath; to not be your own, but rather a part of something, someone; was it a sad or a fortunate fate?

"What are you thinking about?" Thor asked, after a while. They were beside a small creek, flowing in the middle of threes. Loki watched its clear, cold water travel across the rocks.

"A lot of things…" he said.

"Such as?"

"Such as… horses." It was much easier to speak without having to make eye contact; and Loki felt the need to untie his thoughts, even if for a moment. "When you take a wild horse and tame it, train it to be your friend, is it really friendship, or just obedience? And how can you tell if it likes you, or just pretends to do so?"

"I don't know. I don't know for sure, but… I mean, when you look it in the eyes, you can _tell_. You just can."

Loki smiled. Such a foolish thought, to think that one can see truth in the eyes of another. Foolish and naïve.

* * *

When they were returning home, it was already growing dark. They came across the same field, and Thor stopped the mare.

"Let's not go back just yet, alright?" He suggested, climbing down and offered his hand to Loki, but he already knew how to help himself down. No response came from the Jötunn, who held onto Thor for the past few hours, feeling now as though something was amiss. Once they were before each other he just looked at Thor, just looked him in the eyes, so many questions floating around his head.

"Today wasn't that bad, was it?" Thor asked, grinning, knowing that Loki had a good time.

"It was alright." The Jötunn replied, sitting down on the ground and looking up at the sky. He was so tired of horseback riding; but more than that he was tired of the constant dispute between his inner selves; one that was rational and one that wanted the impossible.

Thor sat beside him, following his gaze up to the sky. The moons were illuminated beautifully, stars surrounding them like bits of pure gold in the black stained sky.

"My father banished me. Said my place is here now." Loki said after a while, observing the constellations that he did not know the names of. He did not know why he told him now, he just did. He just needed to say it aloud, so the words wouldn't be trapped inside him forever.

Thor looked shocked.

"That's… I mean that's not… Your father is-"

"Unlike _your_ father, that much I know." He then managed to half-smile. "Please don't try to understand."

Thor nodded. It was not like him to be compassionate like that, Loki thought.

"But Asgard _is_ your home, Loki." After a while, he said in a hushed voice. "When we were in Jötunheimr, I couldn't wait to go back. You probably feel the same."

"I could have charmed warmer clothes for you all that time, and I didn't." Loki confessed. "I let you freeze." Thor could not tell if he regretted it or not.

"I probably deserve that." He laughed.

Loki's lips curled into a wicked smile:

"Is that how it's going to be? Now you're going to tolerate everything I do? Not a very wise move…"

"Not everything." Thor said seriously.

"Oh?"

Loki leaned in, and mischievously grinned at the blonde. It astonished Thor how the Jötunn could quickly change his stances; how one minute he could be vulnerable, fragile, and the next wicked and unpredictable. Such duality should not exist in reality. Loki was _otherworldly_.

"So Thor… Are you at peace with being married to a frost giant now?" Loki teased. "Does it not burn your pride anymore?"

"As a matter of fact… I suppose no, it doesn't."

Those words erased the smile from Loki's lips.

"So what you just _decide_ it's okay now? You hate the frost giants, but then one day you suddenly go _'oh yeah they're not that bad'_?" he mocked Thor's voice. "What is your _problem_?"

"Make no mistake; I still hate your people, all the more now that I saw how a father threats his own _son_. I just don't consider you as a part of them."

"I am still a Jötunn, am I not?"

"You're so much more than that."

There was a moment of silence. Thor felt himself sinking inside those green, angry eyes, so full of feelings – hate, fear, loneliness; he knew not what Loki thought, he never did. Each word he could interpret in the worst possible way and then multiple that by dozen. _But maybe, he won't_, he hoped. _Maybe not this time._

"I am not more. I cannot be. One is born such and one dies such."

"But one can change in the eyes of others, no?"

Loki did not know what reply to give to Thor; he wanted, the most, to know how much truth was in those words, and of what sort of change Thor was talking about. Has he simply given up the constant fighting, has he grown tired and accepted his fate? Or was there something else that Loki was not aware of?

_Thor is a… difficult child, but he will take care of you, if you let him,_ were the words once spoken by the Queen. So long ago, it seemed.

"And _I_ have changed in _your_ eyes? Tell me how."

Thor shifted his body uncomfortably.

"I'm not good at speaking about this. Really, I'm not."

Loki smiled at him, if only for a moment, and then turned his gaze away at the ground. It was very late now judging from the sky; the air was getting colder and the wind grew stronger. They have been together since early morning.

_And nothing bad has yet to happen… _Loki thought to himself, but the thought was too true to be entertaining. There was always _something _to cause one of them to leave, but now they just sat there, watching the field become consumed by darkness. The mare looked at the two from a distance, wondering when they will be going home, to the stable.

Loki lay down on the ground, looking up at the sky.

"Don't hide like that again, alright? People miss you." Thor said, looking at Loki who had closed his eyes.

"People?"

"Sif's been asking about you."

Loki didn't reply.

"I missed you." The blonde finally said. He felt uneasy when Loki didn't reply to the words that took so much effort to say, but a second later he realised the Jötunn had fallen asleep.

_You could have waited for one more minute, you idiot, _Thor thought. He lay down beside Loki, looking up at the stars. He will carry him home; but a part of him wanted to stay for just one more moment, one moment of nothing and everything.

Loki might have fallen asleep, but Thor was falling into something _else._

* * *

_I didn't put everything I intended to in this chapter, I thought it would have been too much. You'll have to wait until next chapter to find out what else Thor wanted to say. Leave a review to let me know what you think!_


	10. Chapter Ten: Purpose

**Chapter Ten: Purpose**

* * *

It is an easy thing, to fall in love; it comes without warning, without effort; it slithers inside your thoughts as you go about your daily life, and somehow, without reason, you find yourself lingering on something small, insignificant, like a touch, or a look, or a silently spoken word, that should mean nothing to you, and yet it means everything. And then one thinks, _where does it come from, this small, meaningless detail, and why do I remember it so? _Because it's easy to fall in love, but sometimes much harder to realize and admit that you had.

And so when Thor woke up one morning, got dressed and descended the stairs towards the great hall of the palace, he couldn't shake a strange feeling of uneasiness; it was as though something was happening behind his back, something important and yet unknown; and every time he tried to capture that thought it would slip away between his fingers, like a small goldfish in an endless pond. He felt an urge to take his hammer and hit everything on his way. It didn't help that his father wanted to speak to him too, about something incredibly boring, no doubt.

Meanwhile, in the depths of the palace, a tall figure appeared out of nothing and made its way up to the main floor.

Loki has been spending his day in the gardens again with a book by his side and the chirping of birds; there was no time to ride the horses because Thor was busy with his father, and Loki did not want someone else to teach him. He enjoyed solitude, but not as much as he used to do. Perhaps Thor has spoiled him with their constant bickering, Loki reckoned. It felt awfully empty without his annoying presence.

He spent the whole day there, reading a thick book on Arcane Magic that he found completely mindboggling, sitting on a small wooden bench that had flowers carved in its back. Only when the night has fallen did he hear someone approach from afar and he immediately turned around thinking it might be Thor.

But it was not.

For a moment, he cursed himself for actually hoping to see that blonde idiot, but suddenly his thoughts were elsewhere.

The figure was much too tall for Thor and it only took Loki a few seconds to recognise who that was.

"Helblindi…" He greeted his brother. "What are…"

The frost giant approached Loki without a word and dragged him behind a couple of trees, hiding him from the palace's windows.

"Loki, I bring word from father."

"Father has banished me, I don't want to hear what he has to say!" Loki hissed. "And why are we hiding? You know you're not forbidden to visit me."

His brother, who was almost as twice as tall as him, knelt before Loki, their faces aligning.

"Father only did that so you can carry out his intended plan. Have you gained the Asgardian's trust?"

"What are you talking about?" Loki asked, unbelieving.

"Father does not want peace. He has a much glorious purpose for you Loki. And he thought it was time you'd know."

"So what was all this, a ploy?" Loki gasped.

"Yes."

"But…"

"He wants you to enter Odin's Vault and retrieve the Casket of Ancient Winters. If the Asgardian trusts you, he will let you in. Before you do this, you need to find a backdoor to leave this realm; and after you've brought the Casket to Jötunheimr, where it belongs, we will wage war against these puny Aesir." Helblindi explained, looking Loki in the eyes. "You will no longer need to remain in this disgusting form, brother. Father says that you will be welcomed as a hero."

"_War?_" Loki asked. "You want to wage _war?_"

"That is father's plan."

"And… What if I refuse?"

Helblindi's red eyes widened.

"And why would you refuse? You have not grown to like these people, have you?"

"No, I did not… but…"

"Then I suggest you begin preparations. Father says that Thor's coronation would be a good distraction to carry this out. I hope you will return home soon, brother."

Long after Helblindi left, Loki could not move from the spot behind the trees. Suddenly, it all made sense: the wedding, the banishment, everything.

The night was old and everything swam in deep, moist darkness; dew has gathered on grass and cold gusts of winds danced in the high treetops.

_What am I going to do?_

There was no such thing as a _right_ choice. Either way he would become a traitor, and it was merely a choice of _whom_ to betray. He was a frost giant; his father had a great plan for him all this time. If he chose to follow this road, he knew there will be glory at the end of it; approval that he so dearly wished for all his life. He would be Prince Loki, the one who returned the Casket of Ancient Winters to Jötunheimr.

And then, there would be war. War in which many would die. He could picture it in his head, all the blood and corpses and screaming; he could picture every single Asgardian that he has seen in his time here: Sif, Fandral, _everyone_, dead. If only father had told him of his plan! He would not have gotten to know these people, would not have ate with them, fought with them. He would not have… gotten close.

And Thor – would he die too? Not likely, he thought. Perhaps, injured, but not _dead_. No, Loki could not imagine Thor dead as hard as he tried. It's impossible. Thor's too strong too fast; no frost giant could kill him.

Except me, he realised. Father would ask me to do it, because I _know_ him.

And he _did _know him; his immatureness, his cockiness, arrogance and pride, all the qualities that he detested so and that he somehow managed to tolerate. And then he also knew that Thor was more than just the said things. He was also a man that came from a family that raised him with love; he knew what it meant to take care, to trust and to show compassion. Those moments back in Jötunheimr, that _embrace_. If he could hug him like that once more, and Loki had a knife… He could do it. He could _kill_ Thor.

But the thought was somehow _horrifying_. He tried to picture Thor's body collapsing under his feet, life taken from it and cold, unseeing eyes turned to the sky…

_No. Gods, no. _

"What are you doing out here?"

"…Thor?"

"Yes, that is my name." the blonde said, walking from behind the trees and taking a few steps closer, smiling. "It's a bit too late for a walk, no?"

Loki's heart skipped a beat as he spoke, the mental image of dead Thor still lingering in his mind:

"I need to ask you… something."

"Well go ahead, 'tis getting damn cold out here. Oh wait, you don't feel it. So I am just informing you, I am freezing here."

"I just…" only now, Thor noticed how strange Loki acted. Of course, Loki was, in a way, always strange but this was different. He knew him long enough to tell something was off.

"Yes?" he asked, stepping even close to the Jötunn, battling an urge to take him in his arms and carry him somewhere less cold.

"Do you trust me?" Loki asked.

"Depends on what you have in mind." Thor raised his brows. "I mean… I _want_ to trust you, but I never really know what you're thinking and it's driving me crazy."

"You can always ask me."

"Okay, what are you thinking about now?"

"You."

"Me?"

"Yes, you. I am thinking about you. I am thinking, how did your death threats turn into remarks I could only call as _inside jokes _between us; and when it happened, and _why_."

"Do you prefer the death threats then?"

"Sometimes I do." He almost whispered. He wanted Thor to get mad at him, so everything would make sense again. Hate was definite; everything else was too _blurry_.

"Alright, I suppose I can throw in one or two now and then. Not that I will really mean it, but if it pleases you…"

"_Pleases me?_ You care what _pleases me?_"

"God damnit, is that so hard for you to get into your head? That someone might care for you? We're not all frost giants with hearts made of impenetrable ice; things, feelings, people - they can change! Does it not ever occur to you that _I_ might have changed since we first met?" Thor yelled, flapping his arms around in annoyance and frustration. Loki watched him in astonishment.

"_Impenetrable ice?" _He repeated Thor's words. "You think that, really?"

"Sometimes I do." Thor mocked.

_If only you knew the things I feel right now_, Loki thought.

He felt Thor's hands on his shoulders, gently sliding up to his neck. The touch was confident, certain; when he looked up, Thor's face was right before his.

"I am wrong?" He asked, firmly grabbing Loki by the shoulders and pulling him closer, his gaze traveling back and forth from Loki's eyes to his lips. He now held him in a strong grip, as though he expected Loki to run away, but the Jötunn stood still, his lips slightly parted and his breath heavy.

"Yes." Loki replied, batting his eyelashes as he felt Thor's body lean against his, slowly, carefully and seductively, his warmth caressing him, and his eyes, piercing through his flesh like daggers. Loki's heartbeat began to race as Thor's hands touched his slim waist, pressing him towards his own body. He did so without any words, without warnings; as though it was a natural, normal thing to do. The Jötunn felt every bit of his body shiver at the touch; blood began to boil underneath his skin, fires of lust spreading though his entire body. There's was nothing more in this world that he wanted more than to quench that thirst for something he did not quite understand; something that took over his every cell, every thought.

Then, after hesitating for a moment, he put his hands around Thor's neck, leaning in for something that he craved so badly, hoping that Thor knew what it was, and that he would give it to him.

He couldn't believe how easy it was just to touch Thor, with no refusal, rejection on the blonde's part; that he could just run his fingers down his neck, or play with his hair, or just hold on tightly to him, afraid of what was to happen next. He was a Jötunn, and Thor was a prince of Asgard, but that didn't seem to matter to him at all right now, as he smiled at Loki's touch.

When Thor's face was so close that he could no longer make out his features, the Jötunn closed his eyes, leaving himself defenceless for Thor to do as he wants.

Loki silently gasped as he felt the soft, wet touch of Thor's parted lips on his, slowly tasting his skin in the most strange, arousing way. He pulled back for a mere second out of surprise, before Thor joined their lips together again, pulling him deeper into the kiss. He opened his eyes in bewilderment, sensing every corner of his body melting with delight and blood rushing down to the lower part of his body, leaving him absolutely thoughtless.

Loki did not know how to kiss; he only knew that he _wanted_ to. He was rarely as sure about anything as he was right now, and rarely was he so unable to resist that wish. When Thor captured Loki's bottom lip between his, the Jötunn couldn't help but to let out a silent 'mmmhm', encouraging the blonde to run his wet tongue across it. Loki felt how his pants could barely hold him.

When Thor pulled away to catch his breath, the cold night's air brushed against Loki's face and he realised what exactly happened, putting himself in state of shock.

_We kissed_, he thought. _Gods, we just kissed_.

"I should uh… I should go inside." Loki whispered before he freed himself from Thor's embrace and ran towards the path to the palace, every bit of his body screaming in agony out of desire for Thor's touch.


End file.
